Legislators approve limited commercial cooking at home

“Feeling Sequimish”
Mark Couhig
Contact Mark at mcouhig@sequimgazette.com
Mark Couhig has been a writer for more than 50 years.
His first experience with the written word arrived at a very early age when he was required to painstakingly hand-trace dotted lines in a notebook, a process that led first to a mastery of the straight, purely angular letters of the English alphabet. He soon turned his attention to the curved letters, exhibiting a full proficiency in that skill by the end of his seventh year.
Before another year had passed, Couhig had begun to cluster letters into meaningful compositions, an accomplishment for which he was awarded a coveted gold star, the first-ever public acknowledgement of his extraordinary aptitude with words.
In time he would take these words and strategically create further clusters, which he called “sentences.”
Paragraphs soon followed.
In the third grade Couhig learned the skill of cursive writing, allowing him to greatly expand and accelerate his output.
Over the ensuing months and years Couhig’s now-renown facility for dramatic narrative developed. He was able to work the delicate filigree of fiction — dramatic, purposeful action that engages the reader — to a degree that astonished Ms. Sweeney, his teacher and mentor. Of one of Couhig’s early works, “Run, Tom, Run,” she wrote, “I’m so proud of you.”
As his facility with words grew, so too did his worldview, aided in part by his assiduous readings of “The Weekly Reader,” which he continues to regard as a formative influence in his later, more mature works.
In the fifth grade, Couhig’s repertoire and love of the written word translated to a sterling turn on the stage as Shepherd No. 3 in a new and dynamic dramatic reading of the Gospel According to Luke, a popular work of the time.
Approximately 50 years later Couhig moved to Sequim where he writes a blog.

Legislators approve limited commercial cooking at home

Published on Tue, Sep 18, 2012
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OLYMPIA — Washington's lawmakers have adopted the Cottage Food Act, legalizing the sale of low-risk foods made in the home. The law became effective on June 24.

Serfs across the state have joined in a collective huzzah! and are praising highly the majestical wisdom of their Olympian monarchs.

Under the new law, potentially hundreds of households will be allowed to participate for the first time in farmers markets and other direct-sales venues, a right previous reserved only for those who could rent or build a commercial kitchen, which under state rules requires an investment of $20,000 or more to construct.

The law is intended to provide the peasantry with the illusion of independence while providing a nice bump in tax revenues.

Other items, including cakes and pastries baked at home for fundraisers, are also allowed under the rules.

Sequim resident John Banks, who recently lost his job, said because of the kindness and wisdom of his masters in Olympia, he and his wife Ellen will be able to supplement their food stamps and other government aid by utilizing the blackberries that grow in public spaces.

"Their august majesties, in their praiseworthy munificence, have seen fit to bestow these bountiful rights on me and mine," he said. "All glory and honor to them."

Since the law was passed, 250 home-based businesses have expressed interest in applying for a Cottage Foods license. The Washington State Department of Agriculture (WSDA) estimates that more than 1,000 Washington businesses may eventually apply for the license.

“The interest in this new license has been astounding,” said WSDA’s Kirk Robinson, assistant director for food safety and consumer services. "Of course we can't just let them go about this all higgledy-piggledy. We need to remain involved and provide oversight because baking cakes and putting up jam is an enterprise fraught with hazards."

The department has now proposed rules providing a final shape to the law. They note that, "All recipes should have a cook step to prevent the spread of food-borne illness or be made from shelf-stable ingredients."

Agriculture failed to define "cook step," but most attorneys now agree they likely meant the food should be cooked, and is not a reference to dancing.

Many foods remain too hazardous to be attempted by amateurs, including meat jerkies, which produces meat threads that are notoriously prone to lodging between teeth. Poultry, seafood, canned or processed fruits and vegetables, fresh juices, pickles, dairy products and other higher-risk foods are also off the table.

Under the law, gross sales of cottage food products may not exceed $15,000 per year, ensuring the hoi polloi can't rise above their appropriate station in life. Only direct sales to consumers are allowed; mail order or internet sales are not permitted because that would allow the sales to go untaxed by Washington state.

Cottage food operations, defined as the workers' home, will be inspected annually by WSDA. Among the common sense provisions of the rule is a blanket right for inspectors to enter the workers' homes at any time day or night with or without advance notice.

Costs to the business to meet all requirements should range from $230 to $290 per year, with all of the money going to the government offices to ensure they remain fully staffed.

Not everyone is happy. "I don't know that anyone has ever actually been killed by eating a home-baked cake," said Rep. Thad Mumford, who voted against the law. "But this foolhardy law puts that possibility into play."

"History has certainly proven this," he said, "people can't be trusted on their own when flour and sugar come together."

"I hope this isn't a prelude to tragedy."

Written comments on the draft rule can be submitted to jcarlson@agr.wa.gov. WSDA will conduct a public hearing at 1 p.m. on May 22 in Room 172, Natural Resources Building, 1111 Washington St. SE, Olympia.

(Editor's note: In case you're confused, this story is satirical.)