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“Feeling Sequimish”
Mark Couhig
Contact Mark at mcouhig@sequimgazette.com
Mark Couhig has been a writer for more than 50 years.  
His first experience with the written word arrived at a very early age when he was required to painstakingly hand-trace dotted lines in a notebook, a process that led first to a mastery of the straight, purely angular letters of the English alphabet. He soon turned his attention to the curved letters, exhibiting a full proficiency in that skill by the end of his seventh year.
Before another year had passed, Couhig had begun to cluster letters into meaningful compositions, an accomplishment for which he was awarded a coveted gold star, the first-ever public acknowledgement of his extraordinary aptitude with words.
In time he would take these words and strategically create further clusters, which he called “sentences.”
Paragraphs soon followed.
In the third grade Couhig learned the skill of cursive writing, allowing him to greatly expand and accelerate his output.
Over the ensuing months and years Couhig’s now-renown facility for dramatic narrative developed. He was able to work the delicate filigree of fiction — dramatic, purposeful action that engages the reader — to a degree that astonished Ms. Sweeney, his teacher and mentor. Of one of Couhig’s early works, “Run, Tom, Run,” she wrote, “I’m so proud of you.”  
As his facility with words grew, so too did his worldview, aided in part by his assiduous readings of “The Weekly Reader,” which he continues to regard as a formative influence in his later, more mature works.
In the fifth grade, Couhig’s repertoire and love of the written word translated to a sterling turn on the stage as Shepherd No. 3 in a new and dynamic dramatic reading of the Gospel According to Luke, a popular work of the time.
Approximately 50 years later Couhig moved to Sequim where he writes a blog.  

A congeries of collective nouns

Published on Wed, Jan 2, 2013
Read More Couhig

First, let me apologize for taking so long between blog posts. 

 

As some of my regular readers know, a few months ago I was accidentally exposed to a John Grisham novel. Not surprisingly, I soon came down with a very bad case of the stupids. 

 

With the love and support of my family and the assistance of the medical community I'm now feeling much better, with my doctor saying I can expect my I.Q. to eventually make a full recovery.

 

As my doctor also pointed out, I'm one of the lucky ones. Because my exposure took place in an airport bookstore, I could just as easily have been infected by a Danielle Steele novel, an event that is almost always fatal to the life of the mind.

 

But that's in the past. Today, let's put all of that behind us for a fun romp with collective nouns, those special words that are singular in form while denoting a collection of people, places or things.

 

They're more fun than a barrel of monkeys. 

 

By way of an example, let me point out that the U.S. Geological Survey, whose expertise clearly ranges beyond rocks, says a "barrel" is a perfectly good collective noun for describing several or more monkeys.

 

Some collective nouns are so common we rarely note just how nifty they are: A pride of lions, a gaggle of geese, a colony of ants. 

 

And then there are the rest, which range from delightfully odd to truly bizarre: a tower of giraffes, an exaltation of larks, a murder of crows.

 

And now, a few more of my favorites. To make this even more interesting (I know, is that really possible?), I've included some I fabricated just for this blog.

 

In each case you'll find three pieces of information: First, the things or people that are collected. Second, the collective noun. And third, a sentence using the collective noun.

 

Here's your challenge, should you choose to accept it:

 

Which collective nouns are standard English, as defined by an authoritative source such as the Oxford English Dictionary, or in a pinch, the U.S. Geological Society?

 

Which ones aren't entirely legitimate, but will soon be because they are in constant use in at least one part of America?

 

Which ones are entirely fake? 

 

The answers to these, and many more mysteries, await below.

1) Alligators "Congregation"
During the annual church picnic, a congregation of alligators lined the banks of the lake.

2) Parrots "Ostentation"
"I told my wife her hat was as a pretty as an ostentation of parrots. And then she slapped me."

3) Canadians "A boot-a-boot-load"
The tour guide said she had brought a boot-a-boot-load of Canadian tourists to Port Angeles.

4) Schnapps "Schidtloten" 
The nice German family next door gave us three bottles of schnapps for Christmas, explaining that they already had a schidtloten.

5) Panties "Bunch"
A bunch of panties was bunched during the library auxiliary's board meeting. 

6) Nuns "Superfluity"
A superfluity of nuns was seated in the front row of the Megadeth concert, much to the surprise of Megadeth.

7) Cobblers "Drunkship"
Imelda Marcos required a drunkship of cobblers to keep her shoes in perfect condition. She paid them in schnapps, of which it was rumored she had a schidtloten.

8) Rhinoceroses "Crash"
Our safari guide promised we would see a crash of rhinos. Fortunately, we did; unfortunately, they didn't.

9) Methodists "Slew"
After the morning service a whole slew of Methodists showed up at the Luby's Cafeteria. And that, Officer, is when the big fight with the Baptists broke out.

10) Cormorants "Gulp"
A gulp of cormorants fishing the waters near Seattle provides easy targets for a boy with a BB gun.

11) Episcopalians "Wealth of"
A wealth of Episcopalians attended the soiree, which was a fundraiser for the new wing of the new wing of the hospital.

12) Sailors "Gobs"
Gobs of sailors left Singapore penniless. The sailors, not Singapore. Singapore had never been happier.

13) Heap "Troubles" 
"Nobody knows the trouble I've seen," sang the blues guitarist. "A heap?" I asked helpfully.

14) Collard Greens "Mess"
"With all these guestesses, we gonna need a whole mess o' greens. Maybe a mess and a half."

15) Neighbors "Unpleasantness"
"Two neighbors is an unpleasantness, three or more is inexcusable," I said last Saturday.


1) Legit
2) Legit
3) I made that up.
4) Pure nonsense.
5) Theoretically, several panties are a bunch. But that term isn't an officially recognized collective noun for panties. As another note on the American way of speaking, it's interesting to note that in the South panties aren't bunched, but are wadded. The resulting unpleasantness is said to be much the same.
6) Legit
7) Legit
8) Legit
9) "Slew" is a wonderfully goofy collective noun for pretty much anything, but it isn't specifically tied to Methodists.
10) Legit
11) Made up.
12) Gobs is a slang term for sailors, not a collective noun. It comes from their old habit of chewing and spitting, tobacco.
13) Commonly used in the South, but not officially recognized.
14) A mess is a volumetric measure, not a collective noun. It is defined as "enough."
15) Unfortunately, this is not widely accepted.

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