Jim Follis

We're off and running in 2010. My first task right after I finish trying to locate the draft copy of my resolutions for 2010 is figuring out how to write the year two thousand ten. It just doesn't seem to roll right off my pen.

I'm certain Wife Nancy will have an idea where I lost my resolutions. I think she has some sort of an interest in a couple of them.

Making resolutions always has been pretty easy for me but breaking them is what I really shine at. I've got that down cold.

Truthfully, I really don't even bother any longer, but I did promise Santa that I'd try to be better this year. Backing off of some of my favorite gripes should place me in pretty good standing with Santa, I figure.

Wife Nancy will like that, too. Perhaps she will even venture out on Wednesdays now. I guess she is reluctant to show the family face on the day when my column is published and another batch of criticisms hits the print waves.

Being mean-spirited is not necessarily a positive attribute, I've decided, and perhaps I should resolve to become a total nice guy. Wouldn't Wife Nancy love that!



Irresolutions abound

She'd be the first one who'd smell a rat, however. Resolutions and I don't mix too well.

It's not that I have trouble making them; it's just that my heart isn't into it. How can I cough up a meaningful resolution in the heat of a New Year's party? Most New Year's parties are designed for serious drinking, not serious thinking.

I've always been much better at drinking than I was at thinking. But now that I've given up drinking, I'm doomed. Now I have to begin thinking on New Year's Eve?

How did this resolution thing ever get started? I don't see that there's any monetary gain to be had. I can't see that there is any particular gain for society as a whole for people to make some resolutions once a year and then promptly break them before the ink even dries.

How many resolutions have been made over weight and exercise? The gyms are packed for a couple weeks after New Year's. Enrollment in weight loss programs soars after the holidays. And then reality sets in.



Sweet surrender

I can't get up that early. What do you mean I have to give up that bowl of ice cream every night? I can't run any more. I think I'm getting shin splints. You can't expect me to totally give up alcohol. What would our friends say?

I think it's pretty hard on the ego to continually make resolutions and then break them year after year. Even your pet can figure out that when you draw a line it really doesn't mean much.

So here comes my perfect solution for dealing with those pesky resolutions that prove so frustrating.

Ready? ... Repeat after me. (I'm practicing for delivering my New Year's resolution for the end of this year going into 2011.)

I, James Edward, do solemnly swear that I herewith make a resolution to you, Wife Nancy, to never make a resolution so long as we both shall live - except for our wedding vows of course.

I'm wondering if this will get me off the hook for ever having to clean out the garage.

Jim Follis is a retired school administrator, has published two books and currently writes three newspaper columns. Eating, drinking and making merry are his professed hobbies. Traveling, trekking and observing people follow not far behind.