We talk a lot about how to raise children. It is a full time job. It also is one that few of us have training in before we attempt it.

We do not talk a great deal about what happens as our children grow up. I have always maintained that one of the best-kept secrets of parenting is that it goes on forever.

The surprise is that there are still lessons to be learned about parenting as our children turn into adults. Here are some hints that might make the transition a bit easier:

First, remember that there is not a single moment when your child becomes an adult or when your teen begins to act like a grown-up. Actually, your child in his late teens will behave much the same as he turns into an adult. Teen behavior sticks around in the 20s, so be prepared.

However, as he reaches the age of adulthood, you need to treat him with the respect you would give to any adult. This will make your relationship stronger and even more enjoyable.

It is important that you come to this realization sooner rather than later.

Be careful not to bug him about getting married and having children. Even though you may have gotten married a lot earlier in life than he, you need to remember that the marriage age has been creeping up for the last century. It was 20.8 for women when most of you got married but now it’s 28.2 for men (A. Cooper, lifestyle.howstuffworks.com). That means a lot of your people will wait well into their 30s. So don’t push it.

You also need to be careful about putting your two cents in on your child’s choice in mates. The AARP analyzed census data in 2010 and found a 25 percent increase in multiple-generation families living under the same roof.

If you lend money to your adult child — even just a little — make sure you both understand the expectations for repayment. If you can’t give your adult child a loan, be honest and tell him. If you decide to lend him money, here are some things to remember:

• Be transparent. Everyone in the family will find out and you want to head off jealousy if possible.

• Be firm. You get to decide if there will be interest. But more importantly, set up a repayment schedule and explain it is to be met.

• Be optimistic. A study found that parental monetary assistance actually helps adult children become more independent.

Boundaries

With an increasing number of grown children living with their parents, you need to set some ground rules. You don’t have to charge rent because that keeps them from saving money to move out. But your child should help out in some way such as yard work, utilities, grocery shopping, cooking meals, and/or household chores. Talk about a time frame for moving out as well as an employment plan.

If your child keeps asking for money, be cautious. Do not hesitate to take him to the bank and show him how he can get a regular loan. If not, set some firm guidelines.

Be careful about giving advice. If you have a strong relationship with your child, he may ask for advice. He may or may not take your advice and that should be fine.

It isn’t easy watching your adult child make mistakes like you did or new ones in raising your grandchildren. You may want to jump in and correct them. Don’t.

Life is easy when your adult children are single. They usually plan to spend major holidays with the family. Once they have families of their own, you can plan on scheduling conflicts. Fewer family dinners and maybe some holidays every other year are the result. Be understanding about this happening.

If your children live close by, avoid just dropping in. Give them the courtesy of a call. While your children may enjoy your visits, you need to respect their privacy.

Plan on your roles reversing as you get older. This isn’t always easy but neither is growing older. As this happens, it is a time to respect each other and to recognize it is difficult on both sides.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which publishes newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents. To reach current First Teacher Executive Director Nicole Brewer, email nicole@firstteacher.org or call 360-681-2250.