Ruth Marcus

Ladies and gentlemen of the court, please rise.

The door opens. In walks an endless stream of judges, one after another. The faces look familiar. Oh dear, I'm beginning to recognize these judges. It's you. It's me. It's my brother's uncle and my sister's cousin. It's the whole human family, filing in, holding court.

Court's in session and what a conundrum. Judges spilling out of the doorways and windows, spilling into the streets. The court is packed. Everyone accusing and defending themselves: "I'm the judge." "No, I'm the judge." Bring in the witness. The verdict is in.

And so it goes in Judgeville - in your house, in your face, in the most common place. You're late for dinner. You lied to me. You say it's up and I know it's down. I say it's you and you say, who? I run amuck and you say, schmuck.



Too, too, too

Whew! We spend a lot of time being the judge. The list grows longer, adding the time we judge ourselves: I'm thoughtless. I'm lazy. I'm forgetful, unkind - even hypocritical. Too fat, too skinny, too strict, too lenient.

Court's in session. Too many judges. Endless cases. The backlog becomes a logjam of pointing fingers and accusations. Demanding rights, yet no amends. Case is closed.

Consider the effect this judging has - on you, on me, on she and he. No wonder we worry. No wonder we're anxious. A Whoville of judges, it's plain to see.

We judge Jack and Jill who live on the hill. We judge Miss Muffet who sits on her tuffet, criticizing the engine that could, saying that he never would. It goes on and on and on.

Exhausting, yes. Surely, it's easier to stop judging, fudging and nudging - cooperating, instead. I am you and you are me - the good, the bad and the ugly. Will you play, will you say, I made a mistake the other day?



Settle out of court

I stretch the truth. I make mistakes. I don't have the answers, nor do you. Ladies and gentlemen of the court. Let's take a recess.

Recess, did you say? You mean we're going to play? Who remembers how?

We've become too serious. Bring in the joy mobile. Hand out balloons and share cartoons. Whistle while we work. Put away the piece of paper that says you need to know it all, and rest in the simplicity of standing tall.

What fun. A case of mistaken identity. We thought for a moment that we lived in the land of Judge Judy. Then three blind mice show up, and we realize that not one of us can see clearly. We think we know, but we don't. We pretend, argue and make a case that we know it all, but most of it is filled with hot air.

Look around. Who knows anything for certain? Just when you think you've got it figured out, and everything is comfy-cozy, someone comes along and says, "You don't know what you're talking about."



Call a recess

I set out to prove I'm right. Judge Judy shows up in my living room and teaches me how to build a case. Carrying on like a judge has become a way of life - judging, judging, judging.

Relax. Put away the antacids and headache pills. Stop trying to prove yourself. No more self-judgment. No more judging your neighbor as yourself.

When judging rears up, nip it in the bud. Let yourself be. Let others be. Sing with the Beatles, "Whisper words of wisdom, Let it be, let it be."

When judgment arises, pull it like a weed. Plant a loving thought or a joy-filled seed. Forgive yourself for judging. Extend yourself compassion.

Create a judge-free zone in your home - in your life. Hang up the robes. Give up the gavel. Call a recess, free of strife.



Ruth Marcus has a private counseling practice in Sequim. Her column appears the second Wednesday of the month. Visit www.DrRuthMarcus.com.