Ruth Marcus

Home, home on the range - when seldom is heard a discouraging word, what a difference it makes if we change.

Less discouraging and more encouraging benefits everyone. Words of praise and appreciation heal relationships, improve the quality of life and build self-confidence.

Your young daughter sets out for the first time without her bicycle training wheels. She falls.

Instead of teasing and saying she isn't ready to ride without training wheels, encourage her to pick herself up and try again. Place a helping hand on the seat to assist her balance and off she goes buoyed with new confidence.

When I reflect on the most powerful words that sustain me, four words come to mind: You can do it.

When I feel discouraged, want to quit or doubt my ability to make change, I remember my parents saying, "You can do it."



Go, frog, go

There is a story about two frogs that fall into a deep pit. The frogs above gather around and tell the fallen frogs they never will make it out. Both frogs jump with all their might.

Again, the frogs above tell them to quit. "You won't make it out," they shout. Then, one of the two frogs gives up and dies.

The other frog continues to jump while his companions continue to yell, "Give up, give up."

Finally, the frog in the pit makes one final leap and he's free.

The other frogs ask, "Didn't you hear us telling you to quit?"

The relieved frog said he was hard of hearing. He thought they were encouraging him the entire time.



Gotta have heart

Think about it. The word encourage comes from the French word "le coeur," which means heart. Encouraging means putting one's heart into something, to add spirit and energy to one's efforts. Discourage is the opposite - to take away the heart's energy, to demoralize and disappoint.

I invite you to notice your thoughts and listen to the words you speak. Are they discouraging? Or are they heartening to yourself and others?

How many fledgling artists, musicians or writers have had their spirits crushed by discouraging words from a teacher or a parent?



Missed chance

The famous 19th-century poet and artist Dante Gabriel Rosetti was approached by an old man. The man showed him sketches and wanted to know if he had potential - would his work sell?

Rosetti looked at the sketches and knew there was little artistic talent. He told the old man as gently as possible that the drawings weren't very saleable, that he was sorry and he didn't want to lie to him.

The old man then asked Rosetti if he would look at a few other drawings, done by a younger art student. Rosetti looked and said, "Oh, these are good. This student has great talent. These would sell for a fair amount of money."

Rosetti asked, "Who is this young artist?"

"It is me, 40 years ago. If only I had heard words of praise then, I would not have become discouraged and given up so soon."



Words of a lifetime

Words are powerful. They can impact an entire life.

When I was 20, looking for work, a printer took me under his wing. He said, "I'll teach you a trade and you will never want for work in your life."

His patience, generosity and willingness to pass along his knowledge and experience gave me skills that I still use 40 years later.

He inspired me to give back my knowledge and share what I've learned so that others can benefit. Every day, each one of us has an opportunity to encourage and affect positive change.

Simple words like, "That was a great dinner, Honey," and "Son, I appreciate the effort you are making to improve your grades," and "Thanks for being such a dear friend." Kind words strengthen relationships.

In the workplace, "You're doing a great job," are five words that make a big difference. And, plenty of thank yous encourage cooperation that grows exponentially.

Become an energizer - an encourager. When the lights go out at the end of the day, give yourself the satisfaction that seldom was heard a discouraging word at your home - home on the range.

Ruth Marcus has a private counseling practice in Sequim. See www.DrRuthMarcus.com for more information.