Ruth Marcus

Although I haven't watched television for years, I still read newspapers, magazines and discuss things with friends. I hear about plenty of doom and gloom, bickering, blaming and things that need fixing. It's easy to get pulled in, but that doesn't mean I need to become a part of the doom and gloom.

I have options and so do you. Remember that song, "Let the Sun Shine In"? It's a catchy little reminder: Where you direct your attention is how you experience life.

When you focus on doom and gloom, you'll slip into a slump - get depressed. Focus on things that bring you joy and your spirits are lifted. Can you hum and tap your toes to that other song, "Don't worry, be happy"?

Experience has taught me that when you focus on the stuff that's not working, you feel overwhelmed and stressed. I'm not suggesting that you bury your head in the sand. Nor that you deny those things that are broken and need attention. I am suggesting that you put greater emphasis on the things that are going well, things that energize you and things that lift you up.

This past summer, I took an Alaskan cruise with my 11-year-old granddaughter. At the entrance to the family dining room, there were crew members greeting us with big smiles. To every person who walked through the doors, they said, "Happy, happy, smiley, smiley." I couldn't help but smile every time I entered.

I was so intrigued with this greeting that after three days I asked one of the greeters if he did that on his own volition or did management tell him to say "Happy, happy, smiley, smiley."

When he said management was responsible for the greeting, I asked if he knew why. Smiling, he said, "Well, most people are pretty depressed and we want to encourage them to be happy, enjoy the cruise, have fun and enjoy life."

How's that for pointing people in a positive direction? I loved it so much that I have continued saying it ever since. It's a great reminder to change course when doom and gloom have a grip on my family, friends - and even me.

Turning your attention to the positive is one of those life choices you get to make (or not). A cheerful reminder of making positive choices comes from my 92-year-old friend who lives in a retirement community where many residents choose to avoid "organ concerts" - the ritual of complaining about every ailing organ. Another answers the familiar "How are you?" with "Any day on this side of the grass is good." Next time someone starts lamenting everything that's going wrong in the world, notice what happens to your energy. Here's a chance to lift yourself up. Lighten up. Change the topic of conversation.

Better yet, ask the purveyor of doom and gloom to talk about creative solutions, ideas and innovative change. The two of you can turn your focus to more creative thinking and feel energized.

How do you get to "Happy, happy, smiley, smiley?"

Let go of the need to be right. Voila! No one ends up feeling wrong or blamed.

Let go of wanting things to be perfect. Nature is not perfect. Yet, there is beauty to be seen in fallen trees, flowering weeds and blustery winds.

Let go of nagging and criticizing. Start praising and saying "thank you."

Take a moment to remember that no one is perfect. It's a relief when you recognize we're all in this together - shortcomings, foibles, frailties and all. Lighten up. Laugh more.

What goofy little thing do you find endearing in someone you love? What silly little thing do you like about yourself? Experiment with different ways to respond to those internal critical voices - "Everyday, in every way, I love and accept myself more completely." Or, "Hey, I'm only human. I gave it my best shot." Or, "Another learning experience!"

Remember to nurture yourself. Eat well. Exercise. Take a class. Express your feelings. Ask for help. Do something kind for another person every day. Celebrate small successes - yours and others. Give hugs. Appreciate waking up in the morning and give thanks at the end of the day.

And, when people get you down, spend time in nature. Hike, bike and bask in the wonder of trees and rivers, migrating birds and falling leaves. Breathe the fresh air. Fill yourself with beauty. Lighten up.

Some things are contagious. Happy, happy, smiley, smiley.



Ruth Marcus, MA, PhD, is a published author and columnist. Her column appears the second Wednesday of the month. She is available for comments at Rmarcus@olypen.com.