Ruth Marcus

Emphasize gratitude

Good Grief

Ruth Marcus

It's the month of Thanksgiving. Think of gratitude - two important words: Thank you. They allow us to connect heart to heart.

Expressing gratitude is the healthiest antidote to our suffering and negative nattering. It lifts the human spirit.

Imagine infusing grumbling, complaining and blaming with gratitude. That means intentionally listening to the complainer and appreciating your awareness, seeing how often and how easy it is to complain. Then, infuse your awareness with gratitude. Experience a whole new quality that transforms these tiresome situations.

Have I've gone mad? Not quite. Einstein said that we can't solve problems at the same level they were created. We need to shift, move to higher ground, change our perspective to come up with new ideas. So consider the possibilities of this new approach to giving thanks.

Choose to end the rants

When someone rants about who's right, who's wrong and who knows what's really going on, appreciate listening.

Ask yourself, "How many times do I do this?" Then, let this be your opportunity to stop ranting and pointing fingers. Be grateful that you can see yourself in another and appreciate that you have a choice.

How about using every negative, energy-depleting thought and situation as a springboard to jump into gratitude? You don't even have to specify why you are grateful.

Imagine the person who repeatedly antagonizes you, baiting you into an argument. You recognize the internal agitation that's being set off as your stomach says, "Here we go again."

This is a great opportunity to reflect on the times you've jumped in and ended up sorry that you engaged in the escalation. Pause, shift and emphasize gratitude. Instead of entering the old familiar frenzy, consider other points of view.

Gratitude frees us from anger, pretense, self-righteousness and the sword of indignation. "Thanks for giving me the opportunity to see how quickly I feel the need to defend myself."

Appreciate your right to vote

We just went through a bruising election. Maybe your candidates won and maybe not. Instead of whining and stewing, imagine looking through the eyes of gratitude. Be grateful for the right to vote. Be grateful that you're inspired to become more involved. Your opponent pointed you toward taking a stand, climbing out of your recliner and campaigning for what you believe in.

Don't overlook the everyday thank yous. Phone or e-mail a friend, "Thanks for being my friend."

Appreciate the note sent from a business that made an error. They want to make things right. They appreciate your business. That little thank you makes a difference, keeps a simple error from souring a relationship forever.

Consider the waitress, the nurse and the housekeeper who do everything they can to make you happy, comfortable and satisfied. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Remember a time when someone generously motioned for you to take a parking place or let you go ahead in line? Appreciate these ordinary generosities by extending them to others.

Life gives and life takes away. Finding that subtle thread of gratitude through sickness and death can be challenging. Yet, being grateful that a loved one went swiftly, or being grateful that you were able to talk one last time, or being grateful when so many people show up for a life celebration offer small ways that we can open our hearts and express appreciation. Even in the dark times, gratitude nurtures and sustains us.

It's a choice we make. Being grateful is a choice.

Some people seem to welcome everything that shows up. They'll even find the silver lining in a flat tire.

"Fortunately I had my cell phone with me," or "I was blessed by a Good Samaritan who stopped to help," or "I'm fortunate that having to stop spared me from having an accident."

The guy who shouts, "Hurry up, you jerk," may be your guide to patience. Silently thank him for reminding you of the importance of patiently slowing down.

Sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Learning to be a gracious winner and a gracious loser both call for gratitude that you had the opportunity to play.

We all make mistakes. We win, we lose, we say things we wish we hadn't said. Accepting our humanness softens the heart. Be grateful for seeing beyond the need to be right, the need to win.

And, when we are disappointed in humanity, we can restore our hearts by turning to nature. Walk in a blustery wind, view snow-capped mountains, listen to rushing rivers, smell fertile farm land and your heart can't help but say, "thank you, thank you, thank you."

Even our broken hearts remind us to be grateful for loving and being loved.

Thank you for reading my column and blessing me with your thanks over the past eight years. I'm grateful.

Ruth Marcus, MA, PhD, is a published author and columnist. Reach her at Rmarcus@olypen.com.