Parenting Matters, Cynthia Martin

One of the biggest child behavior problems is how to stop children from whining to get what they want.

 

Whining gets your attention and can really be upsetting. At the same time, we know that many children almost naturally resort to this kind of behavior.

 

Most parents know that their child may go through a difficult period around the age of 2. We now know that it actually begins around the age of 13 or 14 months. We also know that how a parent responds at this difficult stage sets the tone for the coming months and perhaps years.

 

In his book, “Raising a Happy, Unspoiled Child,” Burton L. White describes the amazing manipulative ability of a child of this age as she learns to control her parents. He found, “If a parent refused something that the baby wanted, the baby would hesitate, look at his parent, and then produce a soft whine. The baby would then pause and look to see whether his parent gave in or not. If not, the baby would produce a slightly louder, more insistent, whine, pause once again and look to see the effect.”

 

This same manipulative behavior would keep going on for four or five more times to the point when the baby was screaming. Not surprisingly, at this point many parents would give in and give the baby what she wanted. The power the young child had was amazing. It was this common behavior that convinced researchers that the innocence of babies is gone by 14 months of age.”

 

But there is reassuring news. We know that parents still can make a difference even in this challenging behavior. What parents do when the child is whining and what they say to redirect the child makes a huge difference in whether or not the child will resort to this irritating behavior when they are unhappy about something. The other good piece of news is that whining becomes much less frequent as a child grows older.

 

Next week: some steps you can take now to curb whining in your child.

 

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and now director of Parenting Matters Foundation. The foundation publishes newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents. Reach Martin at pmf@olypen.com or at 681-2250.