Adjust the way you view whining. Parents need to understand that children are whining to express their need to be heard. Under most circumstances, the child expressing himself and his needs and wants is a normal and good thing.

Think about what may be triggering this behavior. Does he whine when he’s tired because he has had a full and busy day? Does it happen more when he is hungry or tired? Does it make a difference if he hasn’t had the time with his mommy? Or have there been changes in his life on a larger scale, such as a new sibling or a problem at home or at school? Think about how some changes to his routines might help.

Talk about the whining. He may not even realize that he is whining, especially younger children. Call his attention to his behavior by telling or showing him what he sounds like. Use some humor by asking him, “What would it be like if grown-ups went around whining about things they sometimes didn’t want to do, such as getting up for work when they are tired or cleaning the house?” Then show him what whining sounds like. You don’t want this to sound like you are making fun of him.

Let him know that whining is not acceptable. He needs to know that whining is not the way to express himself. You do this the same way you did when he was a toddler when you were telling him that it wasn’t OK for him to bite you. You need to make it clear to him that whining is unpleasant and it won’t get him what he wants. Tell him calmly that you will not listen to what he has to say until he is able to say it in a normal tone of voice.

Do not give in. Would it be easier to just hand your child that pack of candy or coveted toy to stop the whining? Yes. But it would be a definite mistake and would be a sure-fire way to encourage your child to use whining again the next time he wants something.

Be consistent. It isn’t fair to not enforce the no-whining rule in one instance and then give in the next time. When you are not consistent, you weaken the message.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and now director of Parenting Matters Foundation. The foundation publishes newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents. Reach Martin at pmf@olypen.com or at 681-2250.