Jack Thornton

People frequently take veterinary decisions into their own hands.

Oral compounds administered without consultation are sometimes poisonous to pets. Human pain medications such as ibuprofen and naproxen can be harmful to dogs while aspirin - except in very small infrequent doses - can be toxic to cats.

Occasionally the do-it-yourselfer aims higher.

One of my friends whom I might call frugal - OK, maybe tight or stingy could apply - sewed his Jack Russell terrier's small skin laceration up with dental floss, an impressive feat using no tranquilizer or local anesthesia. The dog chewed out the stitches almost immediately, but the small wound was able to heal on its own. If you're wondering, there was no improvement in his dog's breath so such a flossing technique is not recommended for canine oral hygiene.



Those aren't

tumors ...

My first year in practice in Walla Walla, I received a phone call from a woman asking if it was legal for her and her husband to spay their neighbors' farm cats. My immediate answer was that it was OK, so long as they accepted no payment in the form of goods or services.

My curiosity was aroused and, although the lady was nervous and wished to remain anonymous, I patiently coaxed from her the following conversation:

"How many cats have you spayed?"

"Eighteen."

"Where did you acquire the knowledge to even attempt this surgery?"

"My husband worked with a veterinarian in the Army and watched enough spays to memorize the procedure."

"What do you use for anesthesia?"

"Cotton balls soaked in ether."

"Have any died during or after surgery?"

"No." This is particularly amazing because ether, especially administered this way, is notoriously unsafe.

"Any problems encountered spaying your neighbors' cats?"

"A couple of cats we've tried to spay have been full of tumors. When this happens we just sew them back up."

I'm sure all of us would prefer a surgeon who is able to distinguish a normal pregnancy from "tumors."



And that's no stick

Most do-it-yourselfers are neither therapists nor surgeons, but diagnosticians.

An elderly woman brought in a small dog that she claimed had swallowed its chew stick. Upon physical examination her pet appeared perfectly normal.

With further inquiry the woman directed my attention to an elongated firm structure in her dog's penis. This, she worried, was a chew stick of similar size and shape that recently had disappeared shortly after she had seen him chewing on it. She was convinced that her dog's bony os penis, a normal anatomical structure, was in fact that lost chew stick.

After a brief but careful anatomical explanation, I hoped that I had enlightened and reassured her. Leaving the exam room, I could hardly wait to share this amusing anecdote with the rest of our staff.

Stepping into the reception area, my assistant handed me a folder and said, "Your next appointment is Mr. Hammonds.

"He's afraid his lab Jake has swallowed a bone."



Jack Thornton is a semi-retired veterinarian. Reach him at columnists@sequim gazette.com.