Parenting In Focus: A new person in your home

Published 1:30 am Wednesday, October 18, 2023

It has become more and more common for grandparents and other relatives to be raising the young children in the family. Perhaps you have just taken in a child or maybe have had a new child come into your home to stay.

No matter how recently or how long ago you brought this new child into your home, you need to continue to work on building a bond. Children who feel they are strongly connected to you are open to moving ahead in their lives. They are happier children than when they came to you.

To encourage this bonding, your new child doesn’t need to give up the bond with his biological parents. The bond speaks only to his connection with you, and it is built over time. The bond is built on trust, love, consistency, caring, acceptance and responsibility.

Talking regularly with your child will help you raise a healthy, happy child. Just the everyday conversations really matter.

Know where your child is at all times. Even this helps your child know he is important to you.

Spend lots of time with your child. You need to learn all about him and he needs to learn about you.

Know your child’s friends. When you know his friends, he can talk more freely about them to you. You can learn what he is doing and what is important to him.

Check with other parent when your child says he will be at their place. Make sure he is okay.

Talk with your child about drugs and alcohol. He needs your perspective on these as well as his friends.

Find out what his likes and dislikes are. You have a lot to learn about in order for him to feel totally comfortable in his new home.

Follow through on what you tell your child to do. This will determine if he will actually do it.

Read about your child. Raising a teen is far different than raising a four-year old. The skills you need may have to be relearned.

Have more positive things to say about your child than negative ones. Keep this balance going.

Make sure you regularly tell your child you love him.

Congratulations on becoming a parent. This can be a delightful time for each of you.

Anna Freud said many years ago, “It’s not only what happens to you that shapes your life, but how you cope with it.” She was right.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which published newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents.