Dementia Caregiving 101: Coming to grips with grief
Published 3:30 am Wednesday, April 1, 2026
By Linda Klinefelter
for the Sequim Gazette
Dear Readers, the column “Dementia Caregiving 101” is a lifeline for caregivers supporting loved ones facing the challenges of dementia. This column is dedicated to providing not only information but also heartfelt support and valuable resources for those who may struggle to attend caregiver groups or access outside services. Together, we can navigate this journey with compassion and understanding.
This month, I’ve decided to discuss a topic that’s deeply personal and often painful: grief. I know that discussing our own vulnerabilities can be difficult, and I hope that sharing my experience resonates with others navigating similar feelings. It is the grief we experience caring for a loved one with dementia.
Grief is something we often associate with losing a loved one, a friend, or a colleague. The journey of coping with such a loss can be incredibly challenging, and it’s important to acknowledge that everyone experiences grief in their own way. While it can be hard to process, we often strive to find meaning and make sense of the emotions that accompany it. However, providing care for a loved one with dementia opens grief on a daily basis. The grief associated with dementia caregiving is often referred to as the long goodbye.
At the beginning, as we recognize changes in our loved ones, we question, confront, and constantly seek answers. Why did they forget to pay a bill? They didn’t attend the appointment. They forgot their way home. All, and more symptoms like the foregoing, direct us to get our loved one diagnosed. As the disease advances, we see more and more of our loved ones disappearing, and slowly, grief creeps into our days of caregiving.
Many people, including me, often shy away from facing their emotions. We push our emotions to the back of our minds and paint over them to make them seem more tolerable. However, as days turn into years and we witness the gradual losses experienced by our loved ones, we cannot escape what we truly feel. They are slowly departing from us, bit by bit, memory by memory, and we sense that loss deeply within ourselves.
Is grief avoidable? Absolutely not! It is present in our lives every single day. However, I can assure you that there are ways to make it a little more manageable.
I have written in previous columns about the use of therapy and its importance. I had a little forewarning as to what my life might include because I had provided respite for my brother, whose wife was diagnosed with Early-Onset Alzheimer’s, and both my parents experienced Vascular Dementia. So, upon my husband’s diagnosis, I sought a therapist. Does my therapist fix everything? Absolutely not! My therapist does give me tools to make grief more tolerable.
One valuable tool my therapist has given me is the ability to recognize and acknowledge my grief. I’m deeply feeling the loss not only of what is leaving, but also of what my loved one is experiencing. It’s a profound sorrow that is hard to navigate, and I’m learning to honor those feelings.
I not only lean on my therapist, but I also consider the presence of a few good friends to be a true gift. I’m fortunate to have two remarkable friends who help me traverse the challenging landscape of grief. They encourage me to acknowledge and are always there with a handkerchief when the tears begin to flow. Their support is a comforting balm, turning my sorrow into shared understanding.
While many of you reading this column may say, “I can handle this” or “I don’t need support,” I can say with great emphasis you are not acknowledging your feelings. So, here are some suggestions for support:
• If you are on Medicare, request a referral for therapy services from your physician. After paying the Medicare Part B deductible, you pay 20% of the cost for therapy services. You pay less or nothing at all if you have a supplemental plan for your Medicare.
• If you are covered by a private insurance carrier, check your policy for referral requirements.
• Olympic Area Agency on Aging may have some counseling services available for caregivers.
Locally, there are a number of therapists who will take Medicare and/or private insurance, but you also have the option of doing online therapy. Online can be done by your cell phone or on your computer.
The grief associated with dementia is complex. It is an emotional journey that begins early in the caregiving process. The feelings can include anger, frustration, guilt, and the constant nagging of what is leaving. To ignore what you feel, or to attempt to bury it, only does you and your loved one a disservice. Everything you feel is a natural response, but letting it run its course without support does not serve you as a caregiver.
“We cannot change the outcome, but we can affect the journey.” – Ann Richardson
