“No” is a very important word especially for your young child. It is, unfortunately, one that is frequently overused. Then it becomes a problem.

If your 2-year-old is told “No” too frequently, you will find she becomes hesitant about what she does. If she is about to climb on the couch and you say “No,” she probably will stop. But what difference would it make if she crawled on the couch? Is your concern that she will fall?

You need to remember you want her to try things, to be adventuresome about life. If she falls, make sure she can’t get hurt. Even if she falls and gets slightly hurt, even that is a lesson.

This does not mean I would let my child do something that is truly dangerous. It does mean that you want to encourage her to explore. You even want her to learn that little hurts don’t hurt very long.

You want her to explore her environment. This is part of her growing independence and building her confidence in herself. You want her to enjoy her early adventures and discoveries. If she hears “No,” it will do the opposite. It will discourage her from exploring her world.

“No” also can be a bit scary to a young child. It may even frighten her. She certainly doesn’t want to make you unhappy with what she is doing. Your disapproval of her behavior is a type of rejection.

Following through

If you do use the word, make sure that you follow through. If you say “No” and then just ignore what is going on, you are teaching her the wrong thing. You are teaching her to ignore you. This is an age when you want to do the exact opposite. You want her to pay attention to what you say.

You want her to believe that there is a reason for you saying “No.”

Actually, there are better ways to deny or discipline your child than saying “No.” Many child psychologists feel that too much “No” can create resentment and plant the seeds for future rebellion. Even saying “No” too frequently can cause your child to learn to ignore it altogether.

Use different methods for saying it rather than using the word. Use short phrases that tell your child she should not do something.

If your child wants candy and you think she has had enough, instead of “No” say “I know you like candy but eating too much is not good for you.” If she is pulling the pet’s tail or ripping out your flowers, instead of saying “No,” talk with her about not hurting the pet and help her learn about being gentle to the animals and the environment.

If she wants your cellphone, give her a different toy to play with or say, “This is a better toy for you to play with.” If she is reaching for something hot or that will spill, say “Hot!” or “Stop” rather than “No.”

So think about the word. Avoid it when it is not necessary and certainly avoid it when you even recognize that you are saying it far too frequently.

Talk with her about the reason you want her to be careful or to not do something. She needs to hear words of love and gestures of affection way more than she ever needs to hear “No” too many times.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which publishes newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents. Reach Martin at pmf@olypen.com.