Parents need to know about ways to help themselves calm down when things get stressful. We all get a bit overwhelmed from time to time. That is why it is a really good idea to figure out some ways to handle problems with your child rather than lash out at her.

Give some serious thought to ways to handle these difficult times. Each time one of these difficult times comes up, you can learn ways to handle it better the next time. These situations give you a chance to try new ways to handle tough times.

Here are some examples, but there are many others you can use. Try new ones and learn which works the best for you:

• Press your lips together and count to 10 or 20.

• Put your child in a time-out chair, but remember not to overdo it; one minute for each year of age is a good rule.

• Take a hot bath or splash cold water on your face.

• Turn on some music.

• Phone someone who will listen to what you are going through.

• If someone else can watch your children, go outside and take a walk.

• Try using “do” instead of “don’t”. Children respond more to “do”. Try asking for things to be done rather than things not to be done. For instance, “Let’s put all the toys here,” not “don’t put them there”.

• Remember ways you can show your child you care. Ways include things like the following:

• Say “love” often.

• Try to meet her needs.

• Apologize when you make a mistake.

• Remember she needs love most when she deserves it least.

• Be honest with her, and listen to her.

• Tell her how much you enjoy being with her.

There are dozens more ways to show your child you care. Make a list of them so you can use them in the future. Remember to stress the good in your relationship with your child. You are setting an example for her to learn how to deal with difficult situations. You are also helping her build a positive image she can have of herself.

The other thing you are doing is teaching her how to discipline her own children in the future.

Remember, your child learns by watching.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation.