At every age, children test your limits. This is not bad but it is something you need to be prepared to handle, When a child is testing, he is telling you he wants more control over his life.

It is the beginning of independence. It doesn’t mean you let him do everything he wants.

But here are a few hints (dailydad.com/rules-for-your-children):

Set rules you can enforce. Don’t say no television after school if you or someone else isn’t there to actually enforce it. If she learns to ignore your rules, then you have a problem.

State rules in a positive way. Say, “I need you to get along with your sister” rather than “Don’t fight.”

Involve him in developing the rules. Your child is most likely to follow rules if he helps set up the rules. Tell him you need to have a rule about how far he can ride his bicycle and see what he says. You may be surprised at how reasonable he is.

Praise him for following the rules. This lets her know you notice what she is doing. It also encourages her to follow the rules.

Keep your rules consistent. Help him learn rules while recognizing there are different rules for different occasions. The rules at home aren’t like the rules at school or the ones he needs to follow when he is at grandma’s house. If you are not willing to do whatever it takes to enforce a rule, don’t have the rule.

Keep perspective

But when your child breaks a rule, remember it isn’t the end of the world. Stay calm and focus on what the rule is. Ask him to look at how the problem might be solved. Give him an incentive for following the rule.

For example, he can go out and play as soon as he follows the rule. But don’t yell, don’t scream. You don’t want to become the enemy. You just want him to follow the rules.

You also want to shine the spotlight on your child’s good behavior not on her bad behavior.

Your child is growing fast. It is easy to forget how important it is to tell her you love her ass he grows and becomes more independent.

Your child still loves to get a note from you telling him that you love him. He values the time you spend with him.

He even loves it when you come in after he is asleep and you whisper to him that you love him.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which published newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents.