It is easy to be unhappy with our children when they are on their computers all of the time. We worry they are wasting their time and hindering their health.

We worry that they should be doing homework. We tell them we want homework first and they say they’re done — are they? Then we worry if they are telling us the truth.

We are more involved when they help us with our own computer problems. Our child may be the one we are asking to help us. They become the expert we rely on. Our children often know far more than we do about using computers.

One of the ways they have learned so much is all the time they have spent “playing” on their computers. What may look like game playing may many times be learning.

Maybe this is a lesson for us. Maybe we too should be playing more. Maybe we should pay more attention to what our children are doing on their computers rather than to be critical of what they are doing. Learning new things frequently requires some help.

Today as I write this column on a new computer, I have asked for computer help five times. Each time I asked for help, it was a child who quickly solved my problem.

More than once I asked him or her to “show me” again. Be sure to try doing the lesson yourself after your child shows you how to do it.

This way, if you have learned something incorrectly, you will figure it out with some expert young help and correct what you have done wrong.

Be at least slightly more understanding when your child is “playing” on his computer. Maybe he is really learning a thing or two on his own. Instead of being unhappy with his computer time, perhaps tell him how proud you are of all the things he is learning.

Yes, there needs to be limits for children who are really into computers. Talk with your child and discuss these limits. Listen to what your child feels is a reasonable amount of computer time.

Together, set limits that are reasonable to both of you. Your child will be pleased that his or her view is being taken into consideration before limits are imposed.

I am often reminded of my limitations. With my new computer, I did not know how to save this article or to send it to the newspaper. I called my child back to help me, and off it goes.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which published newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents.