Of all the lessons we could and should be teaching our children during this holiday season, being kind is one of the most important. This is a lesson we need to be teaching throughout the year.

There are many books for little ones that are available at bookstores, on the internet and in the library. While tools like these can help, nothing does it all like you setting an example of being kind.

How you treat people in your life will be the examples your child will learn from. Greeting people in a friendly way, smiling at the clerk at the checkout stand in the grocery store, and just being nice to the friendly neighbor next door all teach your child about kindness without it being a learning lesson.

It is also equally important how you respond with love, empathy, and understanding to your child.

Conversational kindness

Talk with your child about times you have helped others that have had meaning for you. Let you child also know about times you wish you could have done more or been kinder.

At the end of the day, many parents will ask their child about how they have done during the day. Asking your child about the spelling test or the basketball goal is worth hearing but find out what your child did during the day that he or she thought was kind or helpful.

Researchers have found that parents spend a lot of time telling their children to be kind. However, a recent study from the Harvard Graduate School of Education found that 80 percent of the 10,000 students surveyed said they felt their parents care more about their children’s personal achievements or happiness than whether they are kind human beings. This statistic doesn’t help support being kind.

Another part of learning about kindness is helping your child talk about how their actions made another person feel. Get in the habit of helping your child see how the other person felt when they are talking about something they did for the other person.

What it feels like to be in another one’s shoes is worth learning to understand. Even when you talk about characters in a book or a movie you help your child understand how someone else feels.

Sharing, caring

During this pandemic, families are likely to have conversations about how fortunate they are. They talk about others who are going through really difficult times. Talk with your child about examples of kindness he or she has shown without being asked even just for you. Help your child notice what it feels like to be kind and helpful to others.

Being kind to others, genuinely feels good and distracts from your own troubles. Perhaps it means volunteering at a shelter or food bank, or for young adults encouraging them to spend a summer with less privileged children. Perhaps as a family you could set yourselves kindness goals for the week.

This could be as simple as smiling at strangers in the street, phoning up an elderly person stuck at home or helping younger siblings with their homework.

To truly set our children up for success in life, teaching them to be kind is probably the most moral attribute. The true test of being an effective parent is ultimately, how your children treat others.

Remember, what you do is far more powerful than what you say. You can’t teach kindness but you are in a great position to model kindness.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which publishes newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents. For more information, email to info@firstteacher.org or call 360-681-2250.