The new year is no longer new. It is something we are already getting used to and it doesn’t seem as important. Certainly making resolutions is pretty much passed — but is it?

Any day can be a day to make a change in your life. It doesn’t have to be Jan. 1 or any other specific day. You need to talk to your children about changes they would like to make in their life and encourage them to go for them. You can do this on Jan. 15 or Feb. 22; any time will do.

These “changes” need to be discussed, supported, and encouraged. Ask your 4-year-old or 12-year-old or even 18-year-old what things he would like to do differently this year. Then listen. Do not add to his list. He has probably been thinking about some things but is not sure he is ready to share them with his parents or grandparents. The things he wants to change have to come from him and no one else.

Changes he might be thinking about may involve school work, friends, and the internet. He may be thinking of changing the way he argues with his parents, the way he dresses, who he calls, what lotions he uses, keeping his room clean, or other goals he has.

While you shouldn’t tell him your views on other things he should consider changing, you need to back off. You can encourage him in many ways to talk about what he is thinking but you do not get to make the list for him.

Ask your child if any of his friends have told him about resolutions about their lives they have made. This may help him to open up about the discussion. You can even ask him if he has thought about what some of his friends should be making resolutions about.

Then talk with him about things that you have thought about changing in your life.

Questions to consider

We all need to think about changes we should make. What kind of parent do you want to be?

Do you wish you were more patient?

Do you wish you were more creative?

Do you wish you had thanked your child more often?

Do you wish you read more to your child?

Do you wish you didn’t smoke around your child? Do you wish you did not smoke at all?

Do you wish you told your child more how much you love him (her)?

Do you wish you had been more encouraging when your child wanted to try something new?

Do you wish you had been more supportive when your child got in trouble at school?

Do you wish you had taught him more about how to save money?

Do you wish you had been more helpful to your child when he was unable to go to school because of Covid 19 and had to do his learning at home?

Think about who you are as a parent. Are you what you would like to be and what you can be? These are the ways you find the changes you need to make for yourself.

Resolutions are good for you and your family, so do not wait until next Jan. 1 to make them.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which publishes newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents. For more information, email to info@firstteacher.org or call 360-681-2250.