No matter what age your child is, you should expect respect from him. If your child isn’t being respectful, let him know right away.

Most parents expect that their child will sometimes question their authority. To keep that questioning to a minimum, you need to win respect.

No matter what your child’s age, you need to be ready to discipline him in some important ways:

Never accept mean words or a negative tone from your child. In a firm but quiet voice let him know by saying, “You may not talk to me that way. That is being disrespectful.” Do not continue the conversation until he starts to use the right words and the appropriate tone.

Trust your judgment. Your judgment about your child’s proposed activities is a good enough reason to say “no” if, say, he wants to spend the night with some friends you don’t feel positive about. Tell him, “I know you’re disappointed but my mind is made-up.” Then stay firm.

Follow through on rules. If you say, “No TV before homework is finished,” be sure to follow through and enforce the rule. This establishes your credibility and will make it easier next time.

Correct him in private. Never correct him in front of his friends. You want to see a change in behavior, but you don’t want him to feel embarrassed in front of his peers.

Treat him with courtesy. Say “please” and “thank you.” Listen when he talks. Don’t interrupt. Don’t yell.

Treat him with respect. Honor the privacy your child has earned if he has never given you reason for a reason not to trust him. You want to be respectful of him as you want him to be respectful of you.

Teens, too

Even when your child is a teen, you will probably be teaching him about being respectful. Don’t try to force him. You want to instead encourage him to be compliant and as much as possible avoid a contest of wills. Give him reasons and explanations for the behavior you expect.

Talk with him about respect comes with growing up and being able to talk about the problem. This may be enough to end the conversation. However, let him know that the next time it happens there will be consequences such as loss of phone privileges for a week, not being able to see his friends on the weekend or extra chores.

Be sure to do what you told him you would do. Always treat him fairly but let there be consequences for disrespectful behavior.

How you handle the issue of respecting one another is an important one. Treat your child of any age with respect as you discuss respecting others.

“The most valuable gift is a good example.” You have an opportunity to give this gift in how you handle the issue of respecting.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which published newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents.