Parents have the major role in raising children. However, if you take over parenting, your role for several hours each day can also be daunting.

One grandmother recently called to ask for help with her 5-year-old grandson. She knew a lot about parenting and raising children but said she felt overwhelmed with this special little man.

Her biggest concern was the fact that he wasn’t potty trained. It could just as easily be that he wouldn’t put his toys away, he would not share his toys when other children were visiting or wouldn’t get dressed in the morning.

Basically, she was dealing with a child who wouldn’t do what she expected he should do.

As we talked, it seemed that her little one (I’ll call him George), might do well with some structure and even a bit of a game. We discussed making a daily chart that each day George did what he was supposed to do (used the potty and did not wet his pants) he could put a star when he did what he was supposed to do. This was intended as a way of having physically involved in this game. He could see his progress and what he needed to do to win a prize.

When he got three stars in a row, George would get a prize. This wouldn’t be just anything, but instead some special prize from a list he and his grandma came up with. Grandma knew his favorite treat was a Popsicle so that was one of the prizes on his list. Another prize was a little car he wanted. He wanted more LEGO toys, but that was too big a prize. Instead, they could fix that by breaking the LEGOs down into smaller numbers of eight or 10 pieces.

That wasn’t all. When he was able to use the bathroom for seven times in a row, this was something special for him to have accomplished. Maybe this now could be a bigger toy such as a trip to the zoo, a special night out, or something that George especially wanted. George’s grandma would have to put some thought into this.

The reason this can be a good way to handle problems you encounter is that it is based on things being very positive. You don’t make a big deal out of the failures but you do out of the successes. This also maintains his interest because things keep changing every day.

You can also have him help you figure out what the prizes might be. Maybe he could draw a picture of what he wants for a prize or cut one out of the paper or a magazine. You want him involved.

Try this positive approach to discipline or to changing behavior. Making a chart together can be fun or walking down the aisle in a toy store and seeing what he likes the best. Make it fun. That is the way to make discipline work with the least amount of effort.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which published newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents.