Some messages are important for parents to hear. We need parents to know how important they are to their children … but it goes a lot further than that.

What you say and what your child hears makes a big difference to them. When you are angry, your child hears it. When you are stressed, your child hears it. When you are depressed, again, your child hears it.

You may think your child doesn’t hear some things you say, but you’re probably wrong; little ears are open all the time. They pick up on ideas you have and things you discuss with your partner or anyone you are close to.

You may think your child is sleeping, but they may hear the arguments the two or you have. Your child hears about problems happening in the neighborhood, at your place of work, at school, at church. They may not understand everything that is going on, but he gets the idea. Your older child is more keenly tuned into the words you say and picks up exactly what you are saying.

One of the subjects that comes up a lot at this time of year is school. This is a time for you to be sure to talk positively. The children who are listening in are ones who are older. The comments about school you make are likely to be heard and understood.

Positive messages

Make certain that you are not being negative about school. If you are negative about school or about specific teachers, it is not unusual that your child would end up being negative, too. If your child hears you speaking positively about teachers and about school, he might end up believing schools and teachers are great influencers and worth listening to their messages.

This positive talk about things your child hears covers huge numbers of topics. When he hears you talk about someone he knows, he may even pass your information on to them. When you talk about other relatives, it changes how he feels about some of them.

It is easy to talk about people, places, and things in a negative way. You just need to remember that you are influencing your child. Be sure that is what you want to be doing. You are also teaching him that thinking negatively about other people, places and things is fine. It is far better to teach your child to think positively.

Think about where your child sleeps. Are your conversations easy to hear? Think about what you are watching on television. Are the shows he hears appropriate for him to hear?

When you were just the two of you, privacy was easy to have. That is no longer the situation.

You are very influential on many subjects to your child. Be careful: what you say matters.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which published newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents.