It’s one thing to talk with your children when everything is going well — but it is something else to deal with the tougher subjects.

These topics are the ones your children may want to avoid, and ones you as a parent may also avoid talking about. But they are ones parents need to show children they are worth talking about.

Examples of tough subjects include: a child’s poor grades; fighting with friends; not getting asked to events; breaking up with a partner; someone dying; being worried about something; being overweight; diseases, and bullying.

Even adults avoid talking their friends about these kinds of tough subjects. There are ways you can encourage your child to talk with you about tough things he or she is going through.

The first step in having a helpful discussion with your child is to encourage his or her to talk about what the problem is. Let your child know that you can tell something is wrong and you want to help.

You need to gain your child’s trust before you begin.

Don’t interrupt. Don’t tell your child about your similar difficulty. Don’t take over the conversation. Just listen. This makes a huge difference. Being quiet says you are interested; it says you care.

Parents need to encourage the conversation. Look at the other person. Ask brief questions to find out more but keep the questions short, so you don’t discourage the person from talking.

Helpful questions can include “When did this happen?” or “How old were you?”

Make supporting comments that shows that you are interested, such as, “that must have been difficult” or “that was sad.”

Some conversations are quickly ended when the parent interrupts and talks too much about themselves.

Others are ended when the parent takes a strong position on the subject and it prevents the other person, the child, from wanting to talk or from being encouraged to talk.

Conversations or talks with your children help your child learn to trust you and to ask you for help on issues and problems they are having.

When you show genuine interest in what they are dealing with, you can be of great help to your struggling child.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which published newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents.