I watched the children go up to Santa Claus and tell him what they wanted for Christmas. It was very moving. Some were very serious and others didn’t want to be there. Some talked to him and others just watched the camera and waited to get out.

When Santa gave each one a book, some said “Thank you” and others just walked away.

That is the lesson of the holiday. Will your child say “Thank you” to Santa? Will he thank grandma or grandpa or the person who gave him dessert?

Actually, will your child thank anyone for the presents he receives during this holiday season or for anything positive that happened?

Learning to thank people when they are nice to him is an important lesson. It is also a lesson that shows if the parent is emphasizing thanking others.

You don’t learn about the child who says or doesn’t say thank you; you really learn about the parents. If the child says thank you, you know the parent has emphasized the importance of thanking people to him.

I have seen and heard children who are under 2 years of age say, “Thank you.” I have seen and heard children who are over ten years of age skip thanking people. Actually, I have seen and heard people of all ages who forgot these important words.

Sharing thanks

So what should a parent do? Learning the lesson of saying “Thank you” is like most learning. You need to tell your child that saying “Thank you” is a polite thing to do.

Your child needs to hear you saying “Thank you” and want to do as you do. If you don’t say it regularly, he won’t either.

Be sure to thank your child when he does something for you. It could be picking up his toys or bringing the dirty clothes down to be washed. It could be when he takes his dishes out to the kitchen after dinner.

Each time you thank him, he is learning about thanking others.

When he does use these important words, tell him you are pleased to hear him say them. This will make him want to say “Thank you” even more. He will also be impressed with the number of people who are listening to him and pleased that he is saying “Thank you.”

It isn’t difficult to teach your child manners. Actually, it isn’t difficult to teach your child most things. You just need to be consistent. You need to let him know you are listening and let him know you are pleased when he uses his best manners.

Your child wants to be like you. You are his model. This is why it is important that you demonstrate to him good manners.

Your child also wants you to be pleased with him. This is why it is important that you tell him how pleased you are when he uses good manners or even just comment how pleased you are that he said “Thank you.”

You don’t need to wait to hear from others that your son or daughter is polite. You know if they are. Just make sure that you hear polite words from them.

This kind of learning needs to be practiced with him throughout his growing years. Teach him to be polite when he meets people. Teach him to thank people for a meal, for a gift and for an invitation. Teach him that he can’t say “Thank you” too often.

Once you have mastered this, you can move on to the next lesson — whatever you want it to be.

Remember, you are his first and most important teacher. Good job, mom (or dad).

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which publishes newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents. Reach Martin at pmf@olypen.com.