There are many lessons you want to teach your child before he starts kindergarten. You want him to succeed in school because that makes such a difference in a child’s life, but as you eagerly seek to provide him with the skills he needs, you can overdo a good thing.

Learning and doing are like many things in life. They need a balanced approach.

Pushing your child to learn his ABCs or his numbers can be too much for your child. Even learning his colors needs to be introduced gently to him. If your style is to learn, learn, learn, this becomes pressuring your child. It is critical not to push your child too hard to learn.

Even children who can learn to count to 40 at a young age do not necessarily understand the concept of numbers. You want to make sure you have a balanced approach to how you parent and teach your child.

It is not just a balanced approach about learning, but about time; if you over-schedule your child day after day and week after week, it becomes too much for him. Too many activities planned for him add up to him feeling stressed.

Even though you believe you have a good reason to plan so much for him, you need to remember not to over-schedule him. Perhaps you do it because he is very shy and you want him to learn to overcome this problem. Maybe you do it because his speech is slow developing and you want him to be with other children who talk more. Maybe you do it to make up for what you consider was your own deprived childhood.

Children feel pushed when they feel that their parents don’t accept them for who they are. If their parent is always striving to make them into something different they can easily feel that who they are is not worthwhile.

Toddlers can experience burnout when parents insist on teaching him the “right” way to play with a toy instead of letting him figure it out through trial and error. Let your child learn his way. If it is the wrong way, he will figure that out.

Sound solutions

If you suspect you may have been pushing a bit hard on your child, here are some things to do to make it better:

1. Make sure your toddler has free time every day just to be by herself. We all need a little time to ourselves.

2. If he is in a class which expects him to do things that are unrealistic, take him out. If he is in too many classes with high expectations, postpone one until later.

3. Don’t compare child No. 2 with child No. 1 or with any of his friends. Respect him for who he is.

4. He is still a young child. He has a long time ahead of him. Encourage him to be him.

5. Don’t be a “helicopter” parent. Let him work on his own. Don’t hover around and prevent him from trying new things.

6. Keep a balance in what you expect of him. Help him learn. Let him see you excited when he learns. Praise him when he does a task really well but respect him even when he has a difficult time.

This doesn’t mean that you never encourage learning. It is fine and important to encourage him but don’t push him too much. It is good to have high expectations for him but remember to accept him for who he is today. Again, we are looking at balance.

It is fine to encourage him to be a swimmer, a reader, an artist and an athlete. But let him be the one who asks for the lessons or to learn how to do something. Don’t let it be you who is doing the pushing.

Let him find activities for himself that he will love for the rest of his life. Let you find balance as a parent.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which publishes newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents. To reach current First Teacher Executive Director Nicole Brewer, email nicole@firstteacher.org or call 360-681-2250.