Becoming a friend is something we all enjoy. Some of us do it better than others. You would think that it should be easy and something we learned in childhood. It is something we learned in childhood but many people didn’t learn it well at that time. It is never too late to learn how to become a good friend. There are some specific things you need to do to become one.

1. You must reach out to others. Share yourself if you expect others to share themselves with you.

2. Stay in touch. If you don’t call people or in some way communicate with them, your start on a good friendship begins to wane.

3. When friends share things with you, don’t pass this information on to others without your friend saying that is OK. You need to be trustworthy.

4. You need to be able to keep secrets and even to offer sound advice during struggles. Make sure your advice is welcome before you give too much.

5. Be there when your friend needs you. That is easy to do most of the time but when things get tough, that is the test.

6. Know your friend’s likes and dislikes. All of this you learn by communicating together. Talk together about lots of things.

7. Stay loyal. Stick by your friend’s side in the difficult times. Be there to enjoy the fun times, too.

8. Plan on the long run. Good friends can last a long time. Be prepared to know a really good friend for almost a lifetime.

So nothing is amazing here. It is just common sense. But as time has gone by in my life, I have been amazed at the importance of the few people I can truly call friends. These aren’t people I have met on Facebook or people I merely say hello to. They are people I interact with and deeply care about. They are people who I can turn to in tough times and in great times.

I watch people in restaurants checking their phones and I am sad for them. A little of this is fine but to have that be the primary way you interact with those people you care about is sad. I worry about the younger generation who become more and more dependent on social media as a way of interacting. Social media has a place but it doesn’t take the place of sitting down and talking with a friend. At times I have seen social media interrupt developing relationships. Have you ever seen a couple together who are both texting on their phones? Those are relationships I would not bet on their survival.

As you are raising a young child, think of the strong friendships you have developed over the years. Encourage your child no matter what age to develop friendships. Don’t hesitate to take the phone away; you may be surprised at the positive results when he has a “friend” over to play or to spend the night.

Walter Winchell said, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” Khalil Gibran said, “Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity.” Charles Caleb Colton said, “True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it is lost.” Helen Keller said, “Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.”

In many ways, it takes a lifetime to truly understand the importance of friends. It is a long and rewarding journey but this is one of its great rewards.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which publishes newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents. Reach Martin at pmf@olypen.com or at 681-2250.