Shopping can be fun with your young child. It isn’t always fun and it is only fun if you do the preparation and planning ahead of time. Here are some tips that might help make it a positive time.

Before you go …

Make sure everyone is feeling fine. Don’t take a tired child and don’t go with your child if you are tired. If it isn’t the right time, postpone your trip or arrange for a sitter.

Be sure to talk with your child about what you expect from her. Begin by telling her that shopping with you is a privilege. Remind her that she is to stay close to you and she needs to use her quiet voice. Be sure to tell her that she cannot pick up the merchandise without asking you first.

Bring anything with you that might make shopping with your child better such as a favorite blanket or toy to help her feel secure. A snack to help get through the morning or a story or picture book to occupy her time might help the time go faster. Don’t overdo it but just make sure you bring the essentials to make it work.

Talk to her about what will happen if she behaves. This doesn’t have to be anything elaborate. A favorite snack, a small toy or the promise to play a game when you get home will each work as a reward for good behavior.

At the store …

Make a game of shopping. Find five things in one aisle, sing songs quietly to each other, count all the people who have hats on their heads. These are activities which help your child be a good shopper with you.

Include your child while you shop. Give your child some choices while you are there. “Do you want red or green apples?” Have her push the cart or help you pick out the apples.

Be prepared to bargain or compromise, but don’t let her force you to let her do things you don’t want her to do. Make sure you don’t buy everything she asks you to buy.

Throughout your shopping trip let her know that you are pleased with her behavior. Tell her how helpful she is being. Talk and play with her. Encourage her to talk, watch, listen and think. A hug also can be reassuring and say far more than words about her good behavior.

But if you have tried everything and yet things are going wrong, you still have some options. First try to ignore inappropriate behavior unless it becomes dangerous, destructive, annoying to others or truly embarrassing.

Don’t hesitate about taking her to the car if she becomes out of control. Take her to the restroom or at least out of the store, but somewhere no one else can listen. Tell her quietly, eye to eye, that her behavior is not OK. Do not let her think that you will allow her to misbehave in public.

Wait for her to at least calm down before you say anything to her and certainly before you take her back into the store. Then ask if she is ready to try shopping again. If this fails and you cannot calm her down, go home.

Don’t ever buy a child a treat from the store when she is throwing a fit to try to get her to stop. Don’t ever hit or spank her when you are in the store and hopefully not when you are out of the store. I always remember one mother who screamed at her child in the store and then swatted him for his behavior. It wasn’t the child who should have been punished.

Shopping can be fun …

If you are shopping for groceries or at the mall, the same rules apply. You just have to teach your child how to do it. It is worth the time you invest to do this.

You will find that the rules you successfully apply here easily can be transferred to when you go out to dinner. Set the stage the same way and follow through the same way. Actually, these rules work for going to visit people, a trip to the doctor and most other situations where you are out in public.

You can see why it is so important to have things work at the grocery store.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which publishes newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents. Reach Martin at pmf@olypen.com or at 681-2250.