From the Back Nine: Here we go again …

  • Wednesday, January 1, 2020 1:30am
  • Opinion

Once again, it’s that time for new resolutions. Here are two of mine that won’t cause political fallout among readers right here on the first day of the year.

In 2020 I will buy no new clothes.

This may result in some catastrophic combinations by spring, of course, but I’ve never been a fashion plate anyway. Besides, my taste lately appears to be dark as a thundercloud.

My current favorite fleece features a particularly unattractive cactus with only one pale pink flower battling to bloom amidst all those spines. Doesn’t take a therapist to realize that may be a cry for help. My older clothes will offer a refreshing return to color in my closet.

The only real problem I see with this boycott on newness is that it confronts my biggest addiction: shoes. The only girly thing about me is my craving for shoes.

Now in my seventh decade, I no longer purchase high heels, of course (Nancy Pelosi is remarkable for many reasons but those spiky shoes take top honors).

You’d think the desire for fab footwear would burn itself out eventually. But no. I have the cutest damn collection of orthopedic steppers known to woman. Even the ones without puppies printed all over the toes.

Other than potentially falling off the shoe wagon, what else might happen that would require me to buy new clothes?

I could gain or lose a hundred pounds.

I could continue getting shorter.

I could have an audience with the queen.

I could be invited to India in the summer sizzle.

Even then, I could solve some of these issues by learning tricky bits of alteration. And really, the Queen might find it refreshing to be greeted by Port Angeles Business Casual, which is high in denim and flannel content (besides, the woman is so up-to-here with dysfunctional family that I doubt she’d give a tinker’s dam).

If I am invited to visit India in their summer, I will turn the invitation down.

In 2020 false optimism won’t save Mother Earth.

Sayings like “Keep your face to the sun, and you won’t see a shadow” or “There’s always a silver lining” are officially removed from my vocabulary as hogwash. Everything does not work out for the best. Staying positive does not make good things happen.

Mother Earth is in deep doo-doo, and needs us all to face that stark reality and act. We may not save Her, but we must give it a go. Find the fight that’s right for you, and put up your dukes.

I wish us all a resolved and happy New Year.

Linda B. Myers is a founding member of Olympic Peninsula Authors and author of “Three Bears” the newest in her Bear Jacobs mystery series, available on Amazon.com or at local retailers. Contact her at myerslindab@gmail.com.

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