From the Back Nine: Survival plan

Some people face the future with joy. Others — like me — tend toward dour. If you are in the first group, you may wish to quit reading Survival Plan right here and move on to comics.

Have I cleared the room of the cheermeisters? Well, then.

Welcome to another year of lunacy. We’ve suffered enough of it already for a near total lack of faith in our fellow humans. The news is relentless depression and angst. Things aren’t going to be “normal” again. Helpful hints and happy slogans and stiff upper lips cannot top COVID, climate change, and political crisis. I feel useless to help, and that is one step short of giving up. Which, of course, is endgame. Yikes.

Fortunately, I read a meme that tackled giving up vs. submitting. In theory, GIVING UP means sinking like a stone. SUBMITTING implies we might skip like a pebble. Either way we’ll likely go under, but the second takes longer and offers a little fun along the way. It sort of cheered me up.

So this year, I am submitting to the reality that YES a whole lot sucks, and NO it won’t be done sucking for a long time. But here is my survival plan: Go ahead and be miserable, but be miserable about different stuff.

Take 20 percent of however you currently spend 16 waking hours and quit doing what you’re doing. Set that time aside. There. Three hours and twenty minutes to do anything you are not doing now.

If you are a news junky, watch/read/listen to three hours and twenty minutes less of it a day. Instead, try Master Classes. Or Lifetime movies. Learn to tie sailor knots. TP your neighbor’s trees. Vegetate, bake, whatever you are not doing now. This is your time NOT TO THINK ABOUT COVID, CLIMATE, CRISIS.

You might still be unhappy, depending on how you choose to use your time, but the subject matter will be new, a relief unto itself.

Learn to nap. Read trashy books or quit reading them, whichever is applicable. It matters not. This is a new day-part to replace your current regimen which is polluted with the craziness of the last two years.

My mother used to say not to wish my life away, but right now, a little less time spent with current events isn’t a bad thing.

Still want to rage? Okay. Get the kiddies and kitties out of earshot, and rage. Let it loose. Use language liberally. Tell Bing what you really think of it. Loudly curse murder hornets. Shake your fist at real estate costs. Again, it matters not. Just have time on your own to expend on anything but COVID, CLIMATE, CRISIS.

You’ll feel better. And you never know. You might actually be able to do something about Bing.

Linda B. Myers is a founding member of Olympic Peninsula Authors. Her newest historical novel, “Dr. Emma’s Improbable Happenings,” is available at Port Book and News, One of a Kind Gallery, and on Contact her at