From the Back Nine: Weather and other monsters

  • Wednesday, September 2, 2020 1:30am
  • Opinion
From the Back Nine: Weather and other monsters

I sunburn, bright light hurts my eyes, and I hate to sweat. So why is it that I love the gorgeous days we’re having? Why do I bemoan the murky drizzle that awaits just around the corner of the Equinox?

I hear some of you yelling, “Because you’re a knucklehead.” But I think it’s because I find the idea of Covid in the Dark a depressing sequel to Covid in the Day — which hasn’t exactly been the best of times.

Certainly the long, sunny days here have softened life with Covid. Bad times, like bad weather, will pass … but try telling that to Midwesterners blown to bits by the Derecho wind storm, Southerners suffering tropical storms Laura and Christobal or hurricane Marco, and let’s just throw in record heat waves and wildfires and dust bowls.

People getting by under those conditions have a great deal more to worry about than whether to wear a mask.

I suppose it’s not the weather that we have to worry about as we socially distance at a campfire or row our kayaks on still waters. It’s attack by one of the mythological beasties who lives on the Olympic Peninsula, a location that appears to be a cryptozoologist’s dream.

Sasquatch, of course, could find you to be a tasty nugget. The fabled (and largely debunked) Tree Octopus might fall on you from above, an even likelier cause of a coronary than a wolf spider in your sleeping bag. Caddy the Cadborosaurus, a sea serpent with the head of a horse and tail of a snake, munches on the fishermen of the Strait of Juan de Fuca.Or a run-in with the Native American Thunderbird around Storm King Mountain would cause you to find religion real fast.

My choice for Ogre of the Olympics is the HooPossums who hunt in gangs to the west end of the county. They wrap their furry tails around branches to ascend or descend like little elevators. One might appear in front of your face and eat your nose. Then another wraps you in a boa hug to complete your suffocation.

Afterwards, the pack rolls away from the scene of the crime, tails in mouths like hoops. Not a one of them has ever been convicted because they all look alike.

I suggest you keep your schnozz under a mask if you wander outside. You might not get Covid without it … but a HooPossum could get you. If that happens, I guess the only good news is the weather will probably be fine.

Linda B. Myers is a founding member of Olympic Peninsula Authors. Her newest historical novel, Dr. Emma’s Improbable Happenings, is available as paperback or ebook on Amazon.com or at local retailers. Contact her at myerslindab@gmail.com.

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