From the Back Nine: Who is that masked woman?

  • Wednesday, August 5, 2020 1:30am
  • Opinion

Things I have learned about myself in the last five months:

1. I should not be allowed to own scissors. That picture of me features my first self-haircut. Notice the artistic sculpting in my bangs. And heaven knows what was going on over there on the right side of my head. Months later, my ‘self-cutting ’ is no better. I guess there was a reason why I paid stylists for all those decades.

2. My cooking is still crap. Time in the kitchen by myself has not improved this situation. So far, my best attempts have all involved cheese melted on gluten-free crackers. And that’s just sad.

3. I finished writing another novel and sent it on its way into the great miasma that is publishing today. A friend is currently assembling the acknowledgments for her book. She said she’d rather be writing a list of To Hell With Yous. Only it was a bit more graphic when she said it. What a fun addition to books this could be, don’t you think? I believe I will include it from now on, assuming there IS a “from now on.”

4. A sidebar about writers: most of us are introverts. We’d prefer to den up until we grow moss. COVID has given us the opportunity to do just that. You’d think fingers would fly across keyboards. But I find the same old excuses to sluff off still apply. I just need to reheat the coffee … maybe I better check on the dog… I’ll get going as soon as I pick out the right typeface and paper stock … oh, is that the mail?

5. I’ve traveled a great deal in my life. Now a picnic in the car at Haynes Viewpoint seems like a great mini-vacation. Kudos to whoever trimmed back the greenery so there actually IS a view from the Haynes Viewpoint.

6. When someone mentions “population density,” I am no longer sure whether they mean how many or how stupid. I just had a bone density scan, and I appear to have plenty of it.

7. Do you remember when we were kids and didn’t want to catch each other’s cooties? We would twist and turn away from whomever we thought had cooties that particular day. I carry this image in my head as we all dance a dance around each other now.

8. I am truly unstuck in time. I missed my only July commitment: my sister’s birthday. And I nearly missed the deadline for this opinion piece. Actually, I find I have fewer opinions to share anyway, now that they mostly lead down pathways to sorrow, rage, fear. You already have enough of that on your own plate.

Linda B. Myers is a founding member of Olympic Peninsula Authors. Her newest historical novel, “Dr. Emma’s Improbable Happenings,” is available as paperback or ebook on Contact her at

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