Bertha Cooper

Think About It: An impossible year, a Halloween story

The federal income tax distribution system existed for decades after Congress passed tax laws that mandated spreading the wealth of some states with poorer states of the USA (United States of All). Strangely, the wealth sharing laws were strongly supported by the GTG (Grand Timeless Grumpet) party who were on record voting against any tax plan that shared the wealth of individuals and corporations with poor people.

The GTG objected to the cynical explanation that the poor states were all GTG states whereas the donor states were not.

The people were more or less happy with the system because it seemed in the best interest of all to spend to support the federal government and increase the health and wealth of the poorer states. It meant that wealthy states, so called donor states, were assured the protection of and access to the vast support system provided by the military and federal agencies. It was a balance of and for the common good.

The balance began to tip at the surprise election of Grabit T. Grumpet in 2016. Remember he won in a fluke election when the coastal states were overcome by fires and hurricanes that destroyed any opportunity to vote. Grumpet won but remained sensitive about those that said he didn’t really win because so many states had no way to cast a vote.

Believing the donor states didn’t recognize his legitimacy and support his presidency, Grumpet began withholding federal services from them as a demonstration of his power to avenge any slight of him, real or perceived. The president’s attitude made it much harder for donor states when the 2020 pandemic hit. Donor states were hit the hardest because they had the most people and crowded metropolitan areas.

When the donor states complained, Grumpet came to believe that the states were using the pandemic to undermine him and ordered all federal agencies, even those concerned with the pandemic, to withhold information and, in some cases, supplies and equipment used in the treatment of pandemic victims.

Enough was enough

Unfortunately, the pandemic occurred in a presidential election year. Grumpet was nervous that he could not win again if donor states voted. He mobilized federal agencies and the GTG in congress and set in motion a plan to disrupt voting that included eliminating options and places to vote.

President Grumpet won in a landslide in an election that had the smallest number of votes since Abraham Lincoln was elected. The plan was so well executed that there was no way to trace what seemed to be millions of lost votes.

“I’m not paying any taxes and you shouldn’t either,” bellowed Mary to husband Ben who pounded his fist on the table in support. “No one from this state should!” he added. Inspiration simultaneously struck filling each with the same sense of knowing exactly what to do. They looked at each other and Ben and Mary become revolutionaries.

Ben and Mary sprang into action and to their amazement were joined by millions of people from donor states in a matter of weeks. They no longer would pay for a system that ignored them and established an escrow account in which everyone could put the amount of money they would have otherwise paid in federal income taxes.

Grumpet and cronies were shocked at first, then angry and out to arrest and jail all who failed to pay taxes until they realized it was millions of people from the wealthy donor states.

Grumpet threw a public tantrum on twitter with 964 tweets sent out in less than 2 hours. Then he did the only thing he knew to do besides withholding social security and Medicare checks which he ordered immediately. He held rallies in non-donor states in which he criticized the “selfish” donor states and demanded their tax money.

Meanwhile, donor states used the secreted tax money to keep social security recipients and health systems going. They began to organize to pull out of the USA. They saw no other way.

Signs went up.

“No taxation without representation”

“No taxation without protection”

“Time to exit — bring our taxes home”

“Exit and live free”

“Be like the president — walk away”

Not a shot was fired for peace

“Let them go,” grumbled Grumpet, “who needs them.”

Well, turns out he and the remaining states did, something the states did not understand until they no longer received money from the donor states. The strangest kind of civil war occurred. Not a shot was fired except in isolated incidences. No, most of the fight was over money and in the courts, the battlefield most comfortable for Grumpet. Only he lost when the USA nearly went bankrupt from growing legal fees piled on to those incurred during his term.

Millions of people walked away from the USA. It wasn’t easy but they could no longer support a government that failed to protect them and the freedoms inherent in their Constitution. They saw no avenue to overcome the disrespect and oppression of any person who held a value or opinion different than Grumpet’s and his supporters.

Then on one sad day, millions gathered in homes, churches, auditoriums and Zoom screens to decide their fate. When all the talk was over, the USCG — the United States for Common Good — was born, with a Constitution unsurprisingly like their former country’s Constitution. They did it because they could; they had money and the support of each other.

It was awkward at first given USCG states were on both coasts separated by the USA. Any traveler trying to reach the other coast had to go the long way around. Travel relaxed a bit when both countries realized they needed each other. Commerce begin to be the focus of agreements.

The personality and teachings of each country stayed true to its origins. The USA had limited government, few agencies and social programs and the USCG established federal agencies to provide national solutions for threats to the country and/or its people.

Populations shifted a bit as people chose the right place for their values and interests. Romeo and Juliet problems occurred when a couple, one partner from each country fell in love. They often moved to Canada.

Decades passed. The grievances and wounds were so deep that it wasn’t until the generations of Grumpets and revolutionaries passed on that the opportunity to reunite came. Nothing remained to oppress the spirit and hope of new generations and their ability to see that it was better for all to be together.

So, it came to be.

Bertha Cooper, featured columnist in the Sequim Gazette, spent her career years in health care administration, program development and consultation. Cooper and her husband have lived in Sequim more than 20 years. Reach her at columnists@sequimgazette.com.

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