When your child is little, you get excited about the new words he learns and uses. It is wonderful to see him develop and to see his vocabulary expand. Even at this young age, you are teaching him about talking with you.

He always is excited to talk with you. You are one of the most important people in his life. Each conversation you have with him he is learning. You are setting an example for him as you listen to him and communicate with him. How you do this is important even as he just begins to talk.

The talking and listening you do with him in early childhood sets the tone for what you do as he grows older.

But some of the lessons he needs to learn over time begin to emerge as he becomes older. You want him to learn to be polite in his talks with you. You want him to learn to listen when others talk and not to interrupt. You need to know how to handle it when he does rude things or uses inappropriate language, because it is likely to happen.

The best way to teach your child is by example. That makes it tough. It means that the same rules you set for your child are the ones you need to use for yourself. That means you have to be a good listener and you should not interrupt your child. That is just the beginning.

Look at some of the other things it is easy to do when you are talking with your child that you wouldn’t want him to be doing:

• First, watch your language. Never use words you would not want your child to learn and to use. If you hear your child saying something that you believe is not appropriate let him know that there are better words to use. Even if what he is saying is something like, “Shut up.” Tell him to say, “Be quiet” instead. When you don’t react when your child says something inappropriate he may feel you don’t care. You want to show you care but be cautious not to overreact.

• Yelling isn’t okay. Again this goes for you and for your child. Talking loudly doesn’t make things any easier to understand. You want to set an example of talking to your child in a calm way. When you yell you are telling you child or your child is telling you that someone has lost control. Who needs that kind of an example?

• Don’t argue. It really doesn’t solve anything. Show your child that you can stay calm by demonstrating it. It is one thing to discuss things and a totally different thing to argue.

• Avoid interrupting one another. This is more frequently a problem for parents but kids frequently learn to do the same. You each need to become good listeners. To be a good listener, you need to stop what you are doing and pay attention.

• Avoid sarcasm. Sarcasm hurts. It also causes sarcastic responses. This kind of response is mostly found in the teen years but sometimes also in preteens. Don’t let it become a habit at any age including your own.

Daily learning

Be aware of how important your lessons in communicating are. You are teaching your child each day, so make certain the lessons you give him teach what you want them to teach. Make sure he feels you are listening.

Do not try to have an important discussion while you are on the internet or watching television. Look at him. Eye contact shows you are there and are interested. Remember that the subject you are talking about is not as important as the discussion.

Your discussions with your child of any age are a way of saying, “I love you.” Be 100 percent there, and let him know he is important to you. Remember that you are still building a relationship.

The conversations you have each day build toward having conversations in the future.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which publishes newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents. To reach current First Teacher Executive Director Nicole Brewer, email nicole@firstteacher.org or call 360-681-2250.