We all enjoying planning things that we enjoy together. It makes the events more fun and we definitely get more out of them

This is true for children too. If your children are included in planning things, they are more likely to get involved as well as to cherish being included.

So how does this kind of planning work? It works different in every situation. If you are planning a summer trip but are not sure exactly where, talk with everyone who is going along. Where would they like to go? At least what kind of a place would they like to visit?

You can tell them you are deciding between place one and place two and describe them both and ask which sounds most appealing. You should tell them up front that they do not get to decide because actually no one person gets to decide, but everyone can have a say in where they go or what they do.

Find out the kinds of places that sound good to them even if you do not go to their first choice this time. At least you are learning of their desires and what they hope for in the future.

Even plans for dinner can and should include them. Would your child prefer a hamburger or a turkey burger? It doesn’t hurt to ask. After you find out it may influence what you buy and what you make in the future. Before you begin, ask what he would like to have on his salad or if he prefers mashed potatoes or French fries. He can pick whatever you give him a chance to pick. It will even encourage him to eat it vigorously.

Before you go out to dinner and you are asking everyone where you should go, give her a chance to voice her opinion. It can be something new or something that she prefers that has already been suggested.

Even with clothes you can give him choices. After you put on his pants, ask which shirt he wants to wear. Or if you pick out a game or two for him to play, ask which one he likes best. When he has a friend over, make sure he gets to make the choice he wants of his friends. With all of these choices tell him his opinion is important to you.

When you took her out to buy her dad his father’s day present or card, hopefully you gave her a choice. She doesn’t’ necessarily get to choose from all the cards or presents available but you can select two and then let her pick. She will fell that this is more of a gift from her than from you even if you buy it.

When you know that his choice doesn’t matter at all, then don’t ask him for it. You don’t want to have him feel you are ignoring him. After you give him a choice, he will want his choice to at least be considered.

Sometimes you won’t want his choice. Do not ask him if he wants to go to bed now or later. You already know the answer. Don’t ask him if he wants dessert. You know the answer. But make sure that some time when you ask for his choice that his choice is the one that is chosen.

Obviously the choices you give him or her are based on their ages. As your child ages, you can give him or her greater latitude on choices … but begin early.

Include your child in your decisions. He will enjoy his new-found responsibility. You will enjoy his increased enthusiasm.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which publishes newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents. For more information, call 360-681-2250.