When families break apart, the casualties from the divorce are far more than the husband and the wife. However, in today’s society, more and more marriages end in divorce.

The children from these divorces may experience mood swings, avoidance of being touched, problems with elimination, hyperactivity, increased back talk, and problems in school with lack of interest and laziness (“The Psychological Effects of Divorce on Children,” Amy Morin, 2021).

While some of these problems may lessen as time goes by, parents need to be aware of ways to help as well as ways to avoid the difficulties to begin with. Here are some ways parents can help.

• Avoid bitterness, lack of communication, and anger between the divorcing parents. When these traits are part of the divorce, children very frequently handle their problems the same way.

• Parents need to let their children know that the divorce is not their child’s fault. Parents need to let their children know that both parents still love them.

• Parents need to be careful not to bad mouth the other parent. You can let your child know reasons you are splitting without being negative about the other parent. It is important to make certain your child knows the other parent loves him or her.

• If your child is misbehaving, try to understand but don’t excuse it. Encourage your child to express his or her feelings but still give consequences for misbehavior.

• Children going through a difficult time like this need a support group or at least someone to talk with. Parents need to talk to counselors, teachers, friends of the family and get suggestions.

• It may be helpful for you and your divorcing partner to get some counseling together with your child.

• Remain available to your child without prying. Some children give parents the information they know their parent wants when they think the other parent is being unreasonable.

• Keep visitation issues between you and your soon to be ex-partner. Don’t try to send messages via your kids.

• Some children long for a return to their original families for long periods of time — as much as 14 years (“Touchpoints: Your Child’s Emotional and Behavioral Development,” T. Berry Brazelton, 1992; “Impact of divorce on children: Developmental Considerations,” Christy Kleinsorge and Lynne M. Covitz, Pediatrics in Review, 2012).

Children need “moms” and “dads.” Even as time passes and stepparents are involved, let your child call step-parents “mom” and “dad.” Children know who their biological parents are.

The message you are trying to send to your child is this isn’t going to mess up your life forever. I know is it tough but now you have more people who love you.

If the two biological parents are being positive, it is much easier for the children to be positive. Parents can make divorce healthier for their children if they really try to keep things positive.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which published newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents.