Too many classes, too many play dates, too many toys and too many lessons are too much for most children. When a child has too much going on, the child is under stress and becomes increasingly anxious.

Of course you want your child of any age to be stimulated but this — like most things — needs to be done in moderation. You don’t want your child to be overwhelmed with the schedule you set up for him.

Here is one mother’s overwhelming schedule for her 3-year-old daughter: She goes to the gym for a class at nine in the morning. At 11 a.m., they go to toddler painting class together. Then they go to lunch at a special children’s restaurant that caters to young children that is her daughter’s favorite place to eat. She then takes an hour nap and then they head out at 4 p.m. for a playgroup of eight mothers and their children who are 2 or 3 years old. Other days of the week are similarly packed.

Another mother has a different style, one that she wants her child to really learn. This mom did well in school and wants to be sure her son does, too. This can cause a great deal of pressure on a young child.

Under pressure

You need to be able to read to your child without a lecture on the ABCs. Your child needs to be able to play. He doesn’t need to learn something all of the time. Pressure to learn will not help him feel good about himself or about learning.

The end result of the pressure parents can put on their child is burnout. What causes a toddler to experience burnout? The biggest single cause is over-scheduling a child’s day or week.

Children need unplanned time they spend doing what they would like to do. Even figuring out what to do with unplanned time is creative and in itself a learning process.

Some parents become too involved in how their child even plays with his toys. Teaching him the right way of playing with a toy isn’t as educational of letting him figure it out through trial and error.

Playing with your child can be rewarding for both of you. You just don’t want to the one who takes over and shows him how to do everything.

Don’t insist on your child learning his numbers or colors or ABCs when he would most like to be just having fun playing. You need to remember that playing is learning. Even when it might be an educational time, try to make it a fun time.

Your child needs to truly believe that you love him even if he doesn’t perform exactly how you want him to. You want to give him plenty of time to enjoy his childhood. Give him choices. Let him try new things when he wants to try them. Learn what is important to him.

Turn the pages

One task we encourage parents to do on a regular basis is to read with their child. Even in this activity it is important to let him have some opportunity to make choices.

Let him pick out the book. Let him turn the pages. See if he can remember the main character’s name. If he wants to read the book twice, read it twice. Make it fun.

So talk with your child about what he would like to do today. Let his ideas determine the direction you take. Certainly you can add to the discussion and bring up some ideas but keep your suggestions to a reasonable number.

If you are trying to correct a problem by what you schedule for him, you still need to keep your ideas ones that can be done in a reasonable amount of time. Perhaps he needs to overcome his shyness. Letting him be with others will help but not if he has too much of it. Maybe he isn’t talking and you think he should.

Still, be careful not to over-react. Usually a child will start talking more by about age 3 and you don’t need to try to solve it. Even if you want to work on it, don’t make it a major use of his time.

Mainly you want your child to know you love him or her just the way he or she is. You want your child to enjoy his or her life. You don’t want to push your child to be something different from who he or she is. Actually, you don’t want to push your child … period. Enjoy your child.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which publishes newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents. To reach current First Teacher Executive Director Nicole Brewer, email nicole@firstteacher.org or call 360-681-2250.