Letting your child know you care about him and want him to do well are strong ways to encourage him. These are words he needs to hear over and over again.

Words and phrases like, “You make me smile. I have faith in you. I know you can handle it. You are creative. I love your ideas. You are so capable. You make such a difference to me. You are a good friend. You are kind. You are such a good learner. How did you do that? Thanks for helping me. It’s fun to do things with you. I’m listening. You do such a good job. I’m proud of how hard you worked. I’m so happy you are my son (daughter). You make me smile. I love you.”

All of these let him know you are really happy and pleased with him. All of them encourage him to try harder.

We spend a great deal of time with our children telling them what not to do. We need to balance that with words of encouragement that tell him how pleased we are with what he does. Think about yesterday. Was it filled with at least equal amounts of encouragement as with amounts of criticism?

We have even found that girls more than boys begin to lose confidence in themselves at a young age. Girls up to the age of 5 feel pretty confident in their abilities. But by age 6, a change occurs.

Researchers from Princeton University, New York University and the University of Illinois studying groups of children 5, 6 and 7 years old read stories about someone who was “really, really smart” but whose identity isn’t clear. Then they were asked to pick one of four pictures, two of men and two of women and to guess who was the smart character. The 5-year-old boys picked the men and the girls picked the women 75 percent of the time. By age 6 the boys still picked men while girls increasingly pick men.

Girls who begin life so early not believing in themselves need all the help we can give them. We need to make sure the books they read do not demean girls. Movies frequently put girls in a subservient role. It can also be you, a teacher, a friend or a neighbor. We all need to pay attention to how we encourage our children, girls and boys.

Parents are one of the most significant groups who influence children. Children are with parents most of the day. Of all the people who should be paying attention to whether they encourage their children or not, it is parents. They need to encourage both boys and girls to work harder while not in any way putting them down.

Even just reading some of the words that have been written about hard work make it seem something we should all work to achieve. Go to “Encouraging Hard Work” sayings and be inspired. Sayings like “Stay positive, work hard and make it happen.”

Thomas Edison said, “Genius is one percent inspiration, ninety-nine percent perspiration.”

Colin Powell offered encouragement when he said, “A dream doesn’t become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination and hard work.”

Words have great power. You can help your children with looking at words about working hard. Actually, you can even do some motivating for yourself when you read some of the sayings about working hard.

Sometimes the words of encouragement you say may sound hokey but children seldom feel that way. Each positive comment you make makes a difference. Repeating those positive phrases helps make some of them stick.

Remember, you can’t say “I love you” too frequently.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which publishes newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents. Reach Martin at pmf@olypen.com or at 681-2250.