Almost all parents want their children to be well-mannered. That means they don’t throw food on the floor during dinner, they don’t interrupt when others are talking and they thank others for presents, rides, dinner and most things.

Good manners are about being thoughtful and considerate of others. The primary place where children learn manners is one place … home.

So how do your kids rank on the manners scale? More importantly, how do you rank on teaching manners to your children?

Most manners begin with learning about please and thank you. Actually, these are some of the easier manners to teach but not the first ones to teach. At around 18 months, children begin to recognize that there are certain social graces that are expected of them. They learn this because they see you, the parent, being polite and they begin to mimic this behavior.

Even learning to say hello and goodbye or good morning is a good start on manners. When your little one waves goodbye or hello, encourage it. Let your cheerful greeting to your partner be seen by your child. Again, this is teaching manners.

Your toddler won’t understand the meaning of “please” or “thank you” until she is a bit older but now is the time to get her in the habit of using these magic words. She needs to hear you saying these words regularly and you can encourage her, too.

Around the age of 3 or 4 is a great time to begin teaching manners. This is a time when children want to act like adults. Even though this is a good age to teach, it still takes many reminders.

By the time she turns 3, your child is ready for table manners. Remind her using her napkin, not talking with her mouth full and chewing with her mouth closed are all part of what she needs to know. Focus on one or two of these things at a time so you don’t overwhelm her and can still make it fun.

Work with him on asking, “May I please,” when he wants to do something. If he forgets, have him try it again or help him say it correctly.

This is also the age to introduce the important phrase “excuse me.” He needs to learn to say it after burping or making other distasteful noises or even when he wants you to pay attention to him.

When he goes to a play with a friend, make sure he learns to thank his host for having him and to thank friends for coming when they visit your house.

Another level of learning is to be kind. This includes taking turns and saying you are sorry if you hurt someone. Avoid just telling your child to “Be nice.” Talk with your child about what actually happened and how she should have handled it. If she needs to apologize, remind her to say exactly what she is sorry for and talk about what she can do to help.

By the time your child is 5 or 6, he is at a new level of understanding manners. You area now ready to teach him about meeting new people. Talk with him about looking the person in the eye and not looking down. Teach him about shaking hands and repeating the person’s name.

This is also the time when children learn to not interrupt and to know when to wait to talk.

Telephone manners even in this day and age need to be discussed. Talk about how your child should answer the phone and what she should say. Remind her to write it down so she doesn’t forget to tell you who called.

By age 7 or 8, manners should be coming together. But the teaching of manners continues for years to come. The most important learning hopefully takes place every day. It is watching the adults around him and how they react to one another.

It is hearing polite words, seeing the loving greetings and observing the nice way people respond to one another. The amazing thing to me was to push a button on my new car and some mysterious voice said, “Thank you.” Everyone understands the importance of manners.

Don’t be surprised if you see a falling off of manners in adolescence. Actually, many things can fall off for a time during this period. But a good foundation means you will see these nice manners returning.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which publishes newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents. Reach Martin at pmf@olypen.com.