Being sick is the pits. It makes you feel bad and it is a waste of time trying to get well. I know.

I have just come off a series of sick days.

While I am happy to be getting better, I am also happy for some things I have learned. There are some real lessons in people being sick … lessons for adults and lessons for children. Let’s start with the lessons for children.

Like many lessons in life, children need to learn how to respond. Having two 14-year-olds around regularly, we found that they have some things to learn about how to react to someone being sick in the house.

Fortunately, my husband was there to help them learn that to begin, saying good morning and asking how the sick person is feeling is well worthwhile. Most children don’t understand the importance of these few simple questions. As the receiver of these newly learned questions, it felt good and it felt they were learning. When they began to ask at other times in the day, it seemed that they were learning. When one learned, the second learn soon after.

The first time I was up and about after being in bed awhile, one of the boys asked if he could help. That was new, too. Even learning to offer his arm when I was walking up or down some stairs showed his new response to illness. The hug he spontaneously offered with his best wishes for me to get well soon were something special.

It was great when he was there and I needed help on putting on my shoes. He helped and you could feel the pride he felt while he helped. He even told his mom on the way home how he had helped with my shoes. That is bonding. We both loved it.

But it isn’t just the kids who need to learn; it is also the adults. I hadn’t thought about how exactly to offer help to a friend and how some ways work and others miss the mark. Several people asked how they could help and that is a tough question to answer. Others said they could bring me food if I wanted or they would watch the kids or clean the house but all of these are difficult to answer.

How would you say, please bring me food and I like chicken or salmon best? That sounds way too crass. Maybe it would be nice to have a meal but it has to be asked in a different way. But someone else asked and it made sense.

A friend came by and said, “I am bring dinner tomorrow for you and your family so be ready.” No questions. There was an assumed answer by the way she put it out to me. The next day, sure enough she arrived with food for a good-sized family and some leftovers. It was delicious and welcome.

Another friend said, “I’ll bet you can use a good cleaning for your house after being down for three weeks.” She was right but I didn’t need to say that. She wasn’t asking, she was planning on sending in a house cleaner for a day. It was wonderful.

So these are helpful and not so helpful ways to respond to the sick person you are around. Think about how you would feel if you were the sick one. How would it be easiest to respond? Think about what you should say to your children to teach them the best way to be around someone who is ill.

Like many lessons in life, this has to be taught. If you ignore it, where does your child learn how to be kind and thoughtful?

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which publishes newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents. Reach Martin at pmf@olypen.com or at 681-2250.