Meals together are very important but frequently neglected in families.

These are special times when you all sit together at the table. It can be breakfast, lunch or dinner. But it really shouldn’t be neglected. Work to have at least four or five meals together each week.

Take the phone off the hook before you begin. There are few calls that warrant interrupting this important time. It is OK to put a new message on the machine that says you are eating and you will call them back.

This is no time for television or any other screen to be on. There is plenty of time to watch something but it shouldn’t be at dinner. If something important is happening, either have dinner later or earlier or record the show.

Don’t worry about your child eating or not eating the meal. You are there for the socialization and the bonding. You want your child’s company and you want a family time together. Food is just a vehicle.

Don’t fight over eating or anything else. This is a great time for compliments. When you first try to have regular mealtimes with your children, you may need to work on a few of the details such as keeping conversations positive. Practice makes perfect.

Don’t make the meal all by yourself. Helping hands make for easy work. This way no one person is to blame and everyone can take credit.

Give everyone a few minutes warning. This way things won’t be cold as you wait for one person who will “Be right there.”

Use the meal for any special occasion. Good reports, awards, pets’ birthdays or just because Fridays are special are all good reasons to have a meal together. You don’t need an excuse. The beauty of the moment is the main thing you need.

Make sure everyone has time to talk. In every family there are some who are more dominate on talking. Make sure that everyone has time. You even may need to encourage quieter children or younger children to be a part. Just a reminder of something they might talk about can be helpful. You will help your child increase her verbal skills as she shares things about her life at mealtime.

This should be great catch-up time. Talk about what is happening in everyone’s life. That means you as parents share your lives, too. Talk about activities, phone calls, homework, grandparents, friends, clubs, television and even computers. This is really a share time.

Begin right away to make this happen. Don’t let this be part of your to do list. Make it happen soon.

Most importantly, make it a happy time. If you are unhappy about something that happened today, let it go until after dinner is over. When mealtime is filled with anger or becomes a battleground, it destroys the reason for having it together.

All these rules apply to meals in a restaurant, too. The good thing about going out is that everyone is relaxed and no one had to work. The difficult thing about restaurants is that you need to be reasonably quiet. There isn’t as much freedom for people who get rather boisterous.

There really are few times like mealtime when you are raising your child. You need to make the most out of them. Mealtimes are times your children and you will remember for years to come. You want to do everything possible to make these very special times.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which publishes newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents. Reach Martin at pmf@olypen.com or at 681-2250.