Eating dinner together is a very special time. Actually, there aren’t a lot of times that are quite like this. Everyone is together. It is a time that each person can talk about their day. It is a time for each person to feel important to the others in the family. But in order to get all of the specialness that is possible with dinner, there are a few rules.
First – This is not the time to solve major problems. Trying to do this at dinner together will ruin the experience. Save that for another time that isn’t so special.
Second – Everyone needs to have a chance to talk. If one person isn’t talking, ask some questions and try to have him or her begin to participate. How was school today for you, Jack? What book did you get when you went to the library, Mary?
Third – Make dinner everyone’s task. You even can have conversation when your little one is putting the silverware on the table. You can laugh and talk while your older child is making a salad.
Fourth – Don’t argue over what your child is eating or not eating. Put the food on the plate that you think is the right food and just see what happens. Certainly it is worth talking about the importance of eating healthy food or which foods are the best for you. It is not worth ruining the specialness of dinner together.
Fifth – Do dinner together with regularity. Regularity can be once a week or every night. It should be something you all can plan on and look forward to.
Sixth – Make it go slowly. The food is the catalyst for sitting together but it should not cause anyone to rush through it. If you find you have a child who does rush through as fast as possible, you can ask him more questions or you can serve dinner more slowly. Start with the salad and then leisurely go to the next course.
Seventh – Don’t answer the phone. Don’t bring phones to the table and don’t get up to answer them either. If they are important, they still will be there after you have eaten.
Eighth – Turn off the television. TV is like the phone; it will be there when you are finished. To watch it while you are all talking causes people to not pay attention to what is going on at the table. The person not paying attention may be you.
Ninth – Make it fun. Dinner should include lots of laughter to go with the chicken and peas. There always should be room for each person to talk and include even the funny things that happened during the day. This is even a good time for a joke but be prepared for your 7-year-old to tell a typical 7-year-old joke. Laugh anyhow. Dinner should be fun so that your children look forward to it.
Why is dinner such a big deal? There are few times when the whole family sits down together. Too frequently there is a television screen flashing pictures or a telephone asking to be answered. This may be the only time all the family is together except perhaps in the car. Riding and talking in the car can be special time just like dinner but the driver may have to pay attention to other things.
Sitting together as a family helps the child understand what a family is. To have both Mom and Dad there at the same time is in many families a rare occurrence. Make sure even the baby is included but don’t let him take over the experience. This is a time to focus on everyone there.
But don’t forget No. 10:
Tenth – Everyone helps clean up at the end. Share the task. Just like the chil-
dren need to learn how to help put dinner on, they need to learn how to finish off dinner. Parents need some help; children are a big job.
Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which publishes newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents. Reach Martin at pmf@olypen.com or at 681-2250.
