Parenting Matters: Dear Dad …

Published 1:30 am Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Hi, Dad. Did you know you are a hero? You became a hero when your partner told you she was pregnant. It began when you told everyone at work that you were going to be a dad.

Do you remember when you began to help her tie her shoes because the baby was getting to be an obstacle? This is being a hero. It was helpful when you were a hero when her hormones did their crazy things.

You became a hero when your exhausted postpartum partner couldn’t go out to check the newborn baby in the other room or every time you helped change the poopy diaper.

You may not have realized it but you are the most important man your child will likely ever know. At the same time, your boy will strive to be just like you and your daughter will try to find a partner just like you.

While your children admire you immensely, you will at times really screw up. Sometimes you will yell when you should have been more understanding. Other times you say yes when it becomes totally clear you should have stood firm and said no.

But no matter how perfect or not, you are a major influence on your child’s life. You are the one who will show your child your strength and wisdom and how you can be gentle and kind. You are far more important than you realize.

That is true on the negative side also. Your child is aware of your relationship with his mom. Are you loving and kind? He watches when you ignore the traffic laws or are untruthful to others. He is fully aware of how much alcohol or illegal drugs you consume. He or she is watching, listening and many times imitating what the same behavior that may not be very heroic.

It is a great responsibility you have. But when you think about exactly what you have to do you can do it. Here are some general guidelines for you to make sure you continue to be the hero in the family:

1. Make time for your child. Read together or talk together at least 15 minutes each day. Playing together is an important part of the time you spend with each other. Have fun together.

2. Make sure you tell your child every day that you love him. Hugs and kisses count, too.

3. Catch your child being good. Find something to pat him on the back for. Even thanking him for how he takes criticism or “no” for the answer is positive.

4. Pay attention to what he does right. Let him hear you praising him to others.

5. Work together with your child on projects. This can be one of the most effective ways for your child to learn.

6. Let him see you doing the right thing. Let him see you making donations and offering help to those who need it. Let him see you helping others in the family who also need help. Does your child get to see you vacuuming, helping with dinner or doing the dishes?

7. Make sure he feels his family is a team. Rough days can be followed by great ones. Let him know you love him all the time.

8. Know that there can be busy times, rotten times, tired times and times that you are irritated and not particularly loving. Be prepared to start over. When things go wrong, starting over is especially important.

9. Do your best to make him proud of you. Set an example that makes you proud of yourself.

Sincerely,

The many people in your life who love you

And … wish you a Happy Father’s Day.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which publishes newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents. Reach Martin at pmf@olypen.com.