Parenting In Focus: What kind of parent are you?

Published 1:30 am Wednesday, April 19, 2023

Parenting is difficult, no question about it. But are you making it harder on yourself than it needs to be? Do you feel like you give in to your child to avoid a blowup?

Children need you to set clear boundaries. Here are a few things to think about:

It is perfectly fine to say “no” to your child. You are teaching him about what is acceptable behavior and what isn’t. If he is mistreating his younger sister by biting her or pushing her, he will think that is okay and continue to do it if you don’t stop him. You don’t want him to think that he can get away with this kind of behavior.

If you find him throwing things in his room and thinking he doesn’t need to pick them up, make sure that you let him know this is not okay. Think of other things that you do not feel are acceptable so you are prepared when you will step in with a strong “No” and remove your child from the situation.

Give precise directions to your child. Instead of saying “Are you ready to pick up your toys?,” say, “It’s time to put your truck and cars away.” If he has been painting, help him learn to clean and put away all that he’d been using. You can still be polite when giving directions, but be firm.

If your child is having trouble in a store, you may need to take action. Tell your child, “If you don’t stop touching the boxes we’re going to leave.” If your child continues to touch the boxes, take him out of the store. Be prepared to leave your items and finish shopping another time.

If you make threats and fail to follow through, he will learn that he can do more and more before you actually do what you say you will do. You’ve taught him you won’t follow through on what you said you would do. If you are in a restaurant and your child is making a lot of noise, let your child hear what you are going to do and then do what you have said you will.

Remember, your child is very smart. He learns early how to get you to do what he wants you to do. If you tell him to turn off the television and get ready for bed and he starts to whine and say he needs water or food or asks to watch for 10 more minutes you will have this battle every night. If you give in to it, even if he puts on a good act or starts crying, remember who’s in charge and take appropriate action.

Be consistent in your rules. Of course, your child sometimes may be able to negotiate with you or you might compromise when you feel it is appropriate. Your job is to be your child’s parent not his friend. He will make lots of friends throughout his life. You don’t need to become one of them or even try to become one of them.

Be fair and be clear with your child and let him know that you are in charge. This will make it far easier for him and even a lot easier for you.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which published newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents.