Parenting in Focus: Parenting is tough

Published 1:30 am Wednesday, August 2, 2023

Parenting is not always easy. It takes time and effort to get the results you are hoping for. The amount of time and effort you put into raising your child will determine how your child will grow and what he will become later in life.

Being a parent is a big time and behavior commitment. Some days it really does mean that’s how you spend most of the hours of the day.

And the behavior you model for your child shows up throughout the entire day. It begins with how you start the day, when you wake your child until the evening, when you try to be a positive reader and encourage them to sleep.

While there is joy in being a parent, there can also be frustration. However, no one should ever discipline a child in anger. Too often, parents use tactics they don’t want their child to copy. They are rude. They yell. They use bad language, and they make horrible threats.

We are our children’s models when we model poor behavior as well as when we model good behavior. If we want our children to respect others, we also should respect the child. We must demonstrate the behavior we want them to imitate.

Discipline, punishment

Besides wounding a child’s positive feelings about himself, spanking and yelling just do not work. Punishments like these leave the child with resentment and anger and he often will be unclear about what he should have done. All he knows is that it hurts.

He will try to avoid the hurt in the future by trying not to get caught; that will be the lesson he learns from spanking or yelling. The young child will be confused if he is hit by someone he loves and trusts. You will have only taught him to hurt others.

The behavior you modeled for him will be the behavior he takes into adolescence as he becomes an angry teen. Parents need to demonstrate to their child the behavior they want him to copy. When you react to your child’s behavior today, you need to think who that child will become tomorrow.

A child who experiences understanding and respect is likely to treat others with understanding and respect.

At the same time you put this effort into how you raise your child, you also need to find someone to share the load and understand the frustration. From the beginning days as a parent, you need to find the time to nurture a relationship with your partner. This keeping in touch is a way of remembering all you share together. it is an investment in your future together that takes time even when that is a scarcity.

Be sure to keep this time investment a high priority in the limited time you have each day.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which published newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents.