Parenting In Focus: Be involved … but not too involved

Published 1:30 am Wednesday, October 4, 2023

Children need to learn to play alone as well as to learn to play with others. You need to work on teaching both kinds of play.

Your toddler will love it if you get down on the floor and play with her. She’ll be delighted when you read her a book. She will certainly be happy if every time she cries you immediately pick her up. But don’t forget about her other needs.

Children need to learn to entertain themselves. She needs to explore her teddy bear from every angle possible. She needs to try to put the blocks on top of each other, even if they fall. She needs to look around the room when she wakes up and see what is there. She needs to go from toy to toy to see what she can and can’t do with each one.

She needs you nearby to make sure she doesn’t find something she shouldn’t put in her mouth, but she doesn’t need you determining the safety of each thing she picks up to explore.

She also doesn’t need you to respond to her every cry. Give her some time to just check things out, and don’t respond too quickly. She is discovering the world you are making available to her.

Communication is key

Talk with your child about the world around her. Help her become aware of the many things to see and appreciate. Ask her which tree is the tallest of the two trees. See if she can tell the difference between the two.

Talk with her about where the dog went. See if she can locate the dog she plays with on a regular basis.

Ask her what color the shirt is she picked out of the laundry. After you ask, just wait. See if she can figure it out. Then let her know if she is correct or you need to tell her about the blue color of the shirt.

All of this takes patience. Your waiting for the answer she is thinking about is important. Don’t rush her. When you get her answer, be excited if it is correct. If it isn’t, let her know what color the shirt is and still give her a hug. Patience is important but so are hugs.

All of these kinds of examples are ways you are involved in teaching your child. What she learns at home is important in helping her be ready for school. It may not be teaching math or writing but it is teaching basic knowledge. It is also teaching her that she is loved and valued.

That is a great deal to learn from a brief time with your child. It once again teaches you that you are her first teacher and a very important teacher for her. Make sure you are teaching her these kinds of lessons every day.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which published newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents.