Parenting In Focus: Consider giving a daily compliment

Published 1:30 am Wednesday, March 29, 2023

It is easy to tell child what he or she is doing wrong; most parents are very good at this. We let our children know in no uncertain terms when their behavior is unacceptable. But somehow, we often overlook the good things are children do throughout the day.

We all need to make sure our children see we value these things, to find some way each day to compliment our children on their behavior. These compliments are not only good for our children to hear; they encourage them to do the same kind of behavior in the future.

So what kinds of things deserve a compliment? It can be that your child is playing nicely with his friend or his baby sister. It can be that she is throwing the ball very well to the dog, who loves the attention.

Even little things your child does may deserve a compliment. You can let him know that your liked how he tried a bite of everything on his plate or even let him know that when he is happy that It makes you feel so good when you see his see his beautiful smile. You certainly need to comment on your child’s behavior when she skipped playing on the computer to read a book.

Do it now

Don’t wait for things to be done perfectly before you compliment your child. Look for improvement. Even if he picks a new shirt that matches his pants that is worthy of a compliment. He doesn’t have to look great, just a bit better than usual.

When your daughter improves on her spelling test or by picking up the toys and some of the clothes in her room, say something to encourage this slightly improved behavior.

When you see your child doing something well, let your child know you see it. Try to ignore some of the bad behavior and focus more on the good.

Let your child hear you saying positive things about other people’s behavior. Your child is listening to what you say more than you may think, and he or she values what you think about your cousin’s behavior or the neighbor’s behavior.

Make sure you hear positive things your child says about you, her parent. Give a big hug to your little one so he or she understands that compliments to you are greatly valued by you.

When you focus on behavior worthy of a compliment it may help you to learn to focus less on the small negative behavior that before was gaining your attention.

Be sure to give hugs and positive words that your child will remember for a lot longer than you can imagine.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which published newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents.