Parenting In Focus: Pets for training children

Published 1:30 am Wednesday, June 21, 2023

The recent dog show at Carrie Blake Community Park reminds us how entertaining having a pet can be. It draws a large crowd and offers a fun time. The end of the show frequently has a well-known climax. Your little one asks if she can have a puppy.

Don’t be too quick to answer. If you say “yes” right away, you are likely to be raising a puppy on your own. If you say “no” right away, you may be missing a chance to see how well your child can assume the responsibility of raising a puppy herself.

One of the best things about bringing a puppy into your household is the lessons you have a chance for your young child to learn. No matter what age your child is, a new puppy or older dog gives her a chance to learn about being responsible for feeding this newcomer.

You can be the dog feeder or you can tell your child who wants this new friend that she must be the one who feeds the dog each morning and each evening. You can help remind her to feed the dog but slowly you need to turn even the responsibility of remembering to feed the dog over to her.

Make sure she sees that this makes a difference to you. Praise her skill as she remembers to feed the dog. Talk to your neighbor about your child’s increasing skill of taking care of the dog and let your daughter hear your positive feelings about her skill.

Your child needs opportunities to learn skills like this. Here is a great opportunity.

A bird in the house

I remember my one daughter who was absolutely delighted to see a person with a parakeet on his shoulder walking around town. I talked it over with my husband and we decided to get her one but only if she agreed to take care of it. She was in the fourth grade, and this would be a lot to do for her.

We talked to her about what it would take to raise a parakeet to see if she understood the responsibility. We explained to her that we would not be responsible for feeding the bird or for cleaning the bird’s cage. We let her know we would not be the ones to play with the bird or to even talk with the bird. We even told her she would have to take the bird to college with her when she was older.

When she agreed to all the rules, we told her we would think it over. We found one at a pet store and bought it.

We kept our end of the bargain and never fed, cleaned, or played with the bird. She did it all. We even took the bird on trips. She upheld her end of the agreement. That was true until she was getting ready to graduate from high school. Our daughter became sick. We took her to the doctor and after the exam he told us she was allergic to parakeets.

The bird ultimately became my responsibility. But for eight years she learned about being a responsible person. That is a pretty good lesson.

She came home from college for vacations and was anxious each time to see the bird even with her allergies. She was able to handle short visits but not long ones.

The bird died in my kitchen two years later. It wasn’t neglected by me but it certainly didn’t have the bond that it had with our daughter. We all learned from this one bird. Pets really do matter.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which published newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents.