Parenting In Focus: Life is tough … even in elementary school

Published 1:30 am Wednesday, December 13, 2023

No matter what age we are, we each have stress. Even your child in grade five or six has many areas of his life that cause him stress such as bad dreams, fights with you or a sibling, trouble with homework, a tough teacher, not knowing the right answer, being punished unfairly, being teased, parents who fight, a friend moving away, not doing well in sports, anxiety about taking tests and even others.

So how should you as a parent handle helping your child with their stress?

• Talk with them about worries

Are they worried about tomorrow’s big test? What if they do poorly on it? What will happen? Talk about all the areas they are concerned about.

• Help them problem-solve

Talk to your child about what they can do to be better prepared for the test. Make sure they have a healthy breakfast and a good night’s sleep. Talk about planning ahead for the next test so they will be ready.

• Encouragement is key

How has your child done before on tests? What have been their strong point on other tests? Is your child a good writer? How do they do when you have helped them before? Remind your child to just do the best they can.

It isn’t easy when your child is under pressure. These are some ways you can help; talking and listening are key.

Keep the morning positive before a big test. Have a healthy breakfast waiting for your child, and give a hug. Remind them that they are more than a test and that you love him.

When your child is worried, it causes stress — but maybe you have a child who is a worrier. Some kids worry a great deal. When you have a child who worries so much it stops him from doing things, you can help.

First, don’t become such a worrier yourself that you add to their concerns. If you both worry about them playing in a basketball game, be careful: if your child sees you are worried, it shows him they have something to worry about.

Try to name the fear they are having. Say, “It sounds like your worry voice is scaring you into thinking you won’t know anyone who is invited to the party you are going to at your friend’s house.”

When your worrier child pushes ahead in spite of his worries, show your genuine admiration.

Tell them, “I am so glad you are not letting your worries spoil your fun,” or at least give a hug and tell them you are proud.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation.