We all want our children to have fond memories of their childhood. One school asked children what makes a happy home. The amazing answers the children came up with reminds us that it wasn’t fancy vacations, but the everyday ways families interact that were wonderful.

• “My mom and dad hug me a lot.” (age 8)

• “I love it that my dad makes bunches of chocolate chip banana cookies every week.” (age 9)

• “My house has a big refrigerator with pictures from me and my sister and magnets all over it.” (age 5)

• “Everybody listens to each other instead of yelling or screaming.” (age 14)

• “Each day my mom would drive me to school she would give me a new word to try to use during the day. I really like it.“ (age 15)

• “My house has wind chimes hanging and you can hear birds singing outside the window.” (Age 5)

• “I like it when my mommy brushes my hair for a long time and sings songs to me at night before bed.” (Age 4)

• “My house feels good when there’s lots of really good food to eat.” (age 7)

• “My mom and dad ask about my day at school, and they really listen to me.” age 8)

Ask your child what she or he thinks makes a happy home. Ask your child to give you several ideas and see what you can learn. We all need to look for ways to increase happiness in our lives and in the lives of our children.

One mother had what she calls a “secret bag.” She would gather goodies to put in a bag to let her children know how pleased she was with their behavior. The things she put in the bag were special things she picked up at sales, books, toys from an older child, or even just a note from her.

Each time one of her children were especially well behaved or did something that pleased the mother, she let that child pick from her secret bag. Any mom could look for ways to use a secret bag that would help a child feel good about himself.

Little things such as was your child especially nice with a friend? Did he pick up his towel after he took a bath? Did he remember to thank Grandma for the nice present?

Put your secret bag up high but somewhere where your children can see it and want the goodies that are inside.

We all like surprises. So make surprises work for you. Make the memories ones your child will remember. A secret bag is one your children are likely to remember.

Any mom can make up a special surprise bag. It’s part of mom’s bag of tricks.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which published newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents.