Headlines about violence in our schools has many parents upset. We all want to know how we can search for answers as to why some kids become violent. According to the National School Safety and Security Services, major stressors such as domestic violence, alcohol, drug use and both social and academic pressures are enough to send a child “over the brink.”
The top warning signs parents should consider with a child who seems to be “troubled” include the following:
• Lack of connectedness to others (limited friends)
• Withdrawing and signs of feeling hopeless
• Threats of violence and searching for ways to carry them through
• Major changes in appearance and behavior
• Disciplinary problems in school and/or criminal activity within the community
• Involvement with violent entertainment and weapons
• Threats/attempts of suicide, self-mutilation and/or abuse of animals
If you suddenly notice one or more of these behaviors in your teen or any teen you know, it’s time to become involved. It just makes sense to try to help someone when you see these kinds of negative warning signs.
Talk with your teen. Find out what things are important to him now and in the future. Hopefully you know but if you don’t, now is the time to find out.
Remember that even now, parents matter. Many parents are surprised to learn that research shows that they have a strong influence on their children even when they are teenagers. It is important that you know how important you are because; only then will you do the following:
(a) keep open lines of communication with your teens by having regular family time to discuss things and share common activities;
(b) enforce consistent rules that help your adolescent learn the relationship of independence and responsibility; and,
(c) show your teen that education is important by encouraging homework and reading, knowing the student’s teachers, and supporting planning for more education after high school.
These suggestions come from research. These are the basis for more reason to believe that you are important to your teen. So hang in there. Be totally present. Be positive. Be loving. Be consistent. Set a good example. Be patient and persistent. Be authentic. Be open and empathetic.
We all should check ourselves to see what we are modeling for our teens. We also need to check with our teens to make sure we are providing open means of communicating both positive and negative things in life.
How open are we to talk honestly with our children?
Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which publishes newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents. For more information, email to info@firstteacher.org or call 360-681-2250.
